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Tap Tap Tap Tap me, whatever pain or harm a wiretap can bring is nothing compared to the financial rewards that can land in the victim’s bank accounts. There is not one doubt in my mind that I was “listened to” during the days of Anthony Pellicano’s reign of terror. I say this with a great big grin…and as I have said so many times before, when he was in the saddle he was very good. So many of the recordings were never found and thus went my financial windfall…I am beyond saddened by all of this. To think of all that money slipping through my hands only because my government got hoodwinked by a self-taught private investigator in the art and wizardry of wiretapping and the storage of information. All at the hands of a computer geek and “The Pelican.”

I have heard through the grapevine MILLIONS were paid to make one “victim” go away, and even a couple of lesser victims got more than they could have ever dreamed of. However, there are people in the world that a million, 2 million, 3 million is a little like tipping the parking attendant a $ 10 bill: big deal for that parking guy, ain’t shit for the guy giving it…very similar here folks.

And in some people’s circles, when you put your ass on the line and “stay the course” it is expected that you and those close to you will be taken care of. That is real old school if you get what I am saying here folks. Anthony took the fall and several people tripped and only one got trapped, well sorta. And as we all know, I am not sure if any insurance policy covers criminal acts. And in the end what is a an old law career worth anyways, 1 million, 2 million, 3 million…well I think you are getting the point here.

There is more to come here as to financial windfalls. Knowing that your friend is sticking it to you, that is painful. Thinking you have a friend and realizing it was all make believe, what is that worth? Oh in this case it could be worth more than that first windfall…or could it?

Very rich divorce lawyers battling it out in the civil courts and one is guilty as hell and the other is a victim. The problem is the next payout will not be fast and easy as this last one. Damn, Tap Tap Tap away…as it is so often stated, the rich get richer, and the rest of us? We at least sleep well, right fellas?

There was a flash of joy within the universe early Thursday morning — my son Chris and his adorable girlfriend Victoria together brought their new son James Nazarian into the world at 4:20 A.M. James is 9.9 lbs and 21 inches, and upon hearing this I was so glad that I always gave Victoria the chair at the head of our table during dinner…extra room, 9.9 POUNDS, not-so-little James came into the world at almost 10 POUNDS!! Thank god for medical technology, as what an “OUCH” factor that had to be…I am just guessing, never having given birth.

Becoming a grandfather is an incredible thing. My middle name is James and what an honor to have my grandson named after…me! They named their son after me! I am looking forward to watching James grow, and to assure that he is in the right financial place a stock portfolio will have been put together by the time you read this! After all, if James is going to be named after me he should, at the appropriate time, have a few bucks in his pocket.

I wish Victoria and Chris all the best, and they will have to remember that for the rest of their lives they are now Mom and Dad. And their focus should be to make sure their son James has all the world can offer to him, but most of all the love and caring of each other and together sharing that with James…I am sure they will do all of that as they will be reminded “once in awhile” who James’s grandfather is.

Victoria and Chris, job well done!

Dad

Batter up! Well that is what it seemed when I saw two of my friends in court, Peter Lauzon, Esq. and none other than Neil Hersh, Esq. Peter is representing Jason Kendall and Neil is representing Chantel Kendall, and it is nothing less than “you’re out!” Jason Kendall is a ball player with the Kansas City Royals. Peter was nice enough to introduce me, and Mr. Kendall seems like a real nice guy. It was a 5-6 year marriage and I have no idea what went wrong, but certainly it seemed like it was 5+ very long innings. And I would not hold my breath waiting for any “overtime,” this game is “rained out,” for good.

I spoke to Chantel briefly and she too seems very nice, great-looking gal, tall and slender and she was carrying a great handbag. She was also very well-spoken and, just as Jason, was very friendly. I am sure at one time they were a great couple and for now they are both on the “bench.” Commissioner James D. Endman is presiding over the case, Neil Hersh and Peter Lauzon were very nice to each other as they postured for a serious bombing run of each other’s clients, the calm before the storm if you will. And with these two titans of divorce you know that it will get ugly, it has to and why you ask? Sean Stewart…who? SEAN STEWART, Rod Stewart’s kid…he is the other man! I am not sure when he popped up but he is there and it has to be a little chafing to Mr. Kendall to see him around his soon-to-be-ex wife.

It is reported that Chantel Kendall and Sean Stewart met in re-hab, I always tell people you can find love in many places, why not re-hab? Sean was being very attentive towards Chantel and it was sweet to observe. This was just before the hearing before Commissioner Endman, then Sean took a powder — well, he actually took an elevator and did not sit in on the hearing. That was a smart thing to do, no need to piss off a guy who more likely than not has a bat close by. He too seemed like a nice kid and who am I to judge, we are all who we are.

But how cool must it be to be Rod Stewart’s kid? Sean has had years of difficulty with drugs and alcohol and has fought a tough battle with those demons. I wish all of these people the best, it is never easy for anyone to “get better,” and to stay the course. At least he is trying, and for Chantel, the stress of a divorce can push even a strong and sober individual over the edge…remember, divorce is a nasty and horrible experience. In the end you are always going to be “Mom” and Jason will always be “Dad” and if you can both “get it,” it might be better for all involved.

(But could just as well be Jewish-style, Persian-style, NBA-style, Beverly Hills Plastic Surgeon-style…….)

Punjabi woman says to her mother:

“I’m divorcing Kuldip… all he wants is anal sex and my asshole is now the size of a 50 cent coin when it used to be the size of a 5 cent coin.”
Mother responds:
“You’re married to a millionaire lawyer …
you live in an 8 bedroom mansion in Canada ,
you drive a Mercedes 300SEL ….
you get $10,000 a week allowance …
you take 6 vacations a year …..
……….and you want to throw all that away for 45 cents?”

Jeffrey Sklan and I had a moment to catch up at lunch the other day. The hook was, I had to sit through a sentencing on a contempt hearing he had prosecuted. The proceedings were in Judge Hank Goldberg’s courtroom. Baby Daddy had been convicted of 15 counts of failure to pay court-ordered child support, after succumbing to what Jeffrey has trademarked…SUDDEN INCOME DEFICIT SYNDROME. Upon entering the courtroom, Baby Daddy was staring at me as if I had funny hat on. Sklan, never missing a beat, tells him, “Oh, this is my brother”…Baby Daddy did not buy it…he continued to stare, like I was a ham sandwich and he was hungry.

Virginia, Judge Goldberg’s charismatic clerk, advised the parties that the lunch hour was 6 minutes away. Jeffrey said, “I only need four. What will I do with the other two minutes?” After daddy exchanged a significant cashier’s check, Sklan graciously agreed to dismiss the matter, in toto, while simultaneously computing the attorney’s fees that should apply. For such an excitable guy, his presentation was unusually terse and calm. It was over by 12:58.

As we walked out of the building he said, “John, if you waste a bench officer’s time, your client suffers. Get to the point and don’t repeat yourself.”

Not bad advice. But not as good as what followed.

Eventually the lady behind the counter got the orders straight and we overate at the Grand Central Market. I was in the mood for a lamb sandwich, Jeff ordered a burrito with extra beans, ouch! And Jeff speaks Spanish with a Jewish tone, it is great, you have to be there. I was lamenting the general state of the fathers who produce a bunch of kids and then weasel out of their obligations. “Are people getting dumber or is it my imagination?” I wondered out loud.

Jeffrey was laughing and then proceeded to tell me how, when his own nephew graduated high school and was hoping for a new car, Jeffrey offered him a different gift. “At first he was kinda skeptical, John. But, I told him he would thank me later…”

“So what was it, a used car?” I asked.

“No, I got him the new car. But I made him get a vasectomy first. He’s thanked me ever since.” Sklan has great timing, just as I took another bite out of my lamb sandwich, I had a visual of this “transaction.” Jeff you are right, timing is everything, next time I will tell you about my time in the embalming room just as you cut into the medium rare filet.

Happy Birthday “No Fault Divorce,” 40 years old and counting. Well, happy for some anyways, certainly not for all. It was 1970 when the California law took effect. Now it is practiced in every state, except New York, ahhhh the East, gotta love em!

“No Fault Divorce” is a wonderful thing, except for one little thing, the human element. What is that you ask? It is the wondering who the “whore,” “slut,” or younger woman is that is getting all that lovin’ and stuff you are not. Or, who is that dark-haired youngster with the abs and that dam 10 inch personality that works for him several times a day and night…like you did at one time…blood pressure meds are a bitch. Oh for sure “No Fault” is here to stay, and so is the human element.

I recently did a piece on some ridiculous “franchise” to sell to someone who would assist in a friendly divorce and try and make people play nice. That is a great idea and to some degree I get it, but I also get Easter and do not believe in the Easter Bunny. No Fault is for many just a legal term, and private investigators know darn well that there has to be “fault” and it is laying right next to “reason.” It has to be someone’s “fault” that he or she no longer loves me, and further more I want to know the “reason.” Just like in the days before No Fault.

New York never got it passed as it is one of the only states with a very strong State Bar and it gets no simpler than that. Along with falling in love with the No Fault there are several states that are not so friendly towards the female part in the divorce, for example Ohio. Ohio seems to lean towards the sperm donor’s side in regards to community property and support…it is just how it seems to me. I love the Chili Dogs in Toledo.

Happy Birthday “No Fault” and thanks for keeping a roof over my head!

Update: I am in contact with Mr. Howard Tenenbaum, VP & COO, Howard called me himself this afternoon and we spoke at length. Obviously, he as an owner is concerned when someone walks in and walks out and does not buy……he has made me an offer that I cannot refuse, I will sign the order on Saturday.

Larger story to follow…John

For a a long time I have felt that the problem with the auto industry is not the products. It is the experience of having to deal with “sales people,” yes, those people who play the game of trying to sell you a car or truck. Another aspect that I find surprising is how they turn me from a “buyer” into a “shopper.” It is no wonder these dealers and the manufacturers are having a tough time, and it is right in front of them, turn these nit-wits into greeters like Walmart. Perhaps Walmart is not a good example, as they are very successful. What does buying a car have to do with DesperateExes.com? Very simple, dozens and dozens of my clients and readers have had to buy their own cars after getting rid of the former loves of their lives. And we are often asked what do I think about this car choice or that one. My readers and clients will benefit from keeping away from Keyes Woodland Hills Buick, GMC, Cadillac. They are often stressed enough and don’t need to get “smacked” trying to rebuild their lives, and having a car is critical to the rebuilding and feeling good about one’s self.

Now as many of you know I have a small collection of interesting cars, both domestic and English, all different price ranges. I buy what I want and all I expect is a reasonable deal. Most of the time I do it on line and it has always worked for me. But not so much lately, some dealers do not respond, or in the case of my most recent experience you are just dealing with a “fisher.” What I mean is this person on the internet that you are making contact with is going to hook you into coming in, and then just send you to a “sales person” on the floor when you arrive. In the past the individual online that I was speaking to or e-mailing was the person I dealt with in the purchase, thus, doing it online for the most part was not bad.

Keyes Woodland Hills Buick - GMC - Cadillac has figured a way to mess all of this up. I spoke to a nice young lady that I had contacted doing an online search for GMC Yukons. When we arrived we were shoved off to a salesman, who once he heard my mouth thought better and suggested we be given to the “Fleet guy” (see were we are going her folks?). Well “Charlie” was alright, and while sitting in an office the size of a large closet and with all his L.A.P.D. photos of himself in uniform it was obvious that he was a one time officer. “20 years“ when I asked was his response, never looking up from his keyboard. We wanted a 3/4 ton Yukon and it had to be loaded, that is how I like to buy my cars, all the bells and ringers. All those little things make fat extra profit for the dealer when you compare the aftermarket cost, but I like the factory finish. Even If I never use them, they are there for me to look at and if I want to, to enjoy. There was none on the lot as this dealership had just been taken over by Keyes and it had a pretty skinny inventory. Well “Charlie” punched all the keys and came up with a vehicle I was ready to place an order on…BUT! Ahhh the BUT!

Then “Charlie” did it, I asked, “how much over invoice,” he tells me “‘$1,000.” I tell him that I had $200 in mind. Then “Charlie” tells me, “well it is supposed to be $1,500 over.” I laugh and tell him well that is not going to happen either. Then “Charlie” tells me how tough it is to get the truck that I want, due to GM not building anything and on and on, blah blah…Now, here comes the best part folks, if I had given the $1000 over the invoice price, GM had no problem. The car was going to be easy to get! The “PROBLEM” is my friend “Charlie” and Keyes Woodland Hills, NOT GM! You see here is the rub, not only do they make money at different levels of being a dealer such as the “hold back,” but there are other incentives for a dealer to move the “units.” Now my friend “Charlie” is not going to budge, he tells me, “I will check with my manager”…that was several days ago and I have not been contacted. I almost forgot, “Charlie” was nice enough to give me a print out of the invoice and the MSRP, that being the suggested retail of the truck or “unit” as they are known. When I look at the invoice there is a $1,150.30 charge for “ADVERT/ADJUSTMENTS,“ what the hell is this? Sounds to me to be more profit being hidden in the deal. Now wait a minute, am I being told that they have spent $1,150.30 on advertising my new truck that I was attempting to place an order on??? How could they spend that much to advertise my truck, no wonder GM went broke! My point here is this folks, KEYES WOODLAND HILLS Buick, GMC, Cadillac is not, in my opinion dealing fairly and were trying to take advantage of my son and me. More likely than not I was going to be a cash buyer, just write the check or maybe, if they had some good financing I may go for 24 months, who knows? We never got that far…boy if that was not arrogance. It was either going to be “Charlie’s” way or no way. There are too many dealers still sucking wind, and GM is still not out of the woods yet, and guess what, I would guess that the owner, CEO, COO or whoever really runs these places would be happy with my encounter at Keyes Woodland Hills, Buick, GMC, Cadillac.

I mentioned to “Charlie” that we had thought of purchasing a 2010 Cadillac Escalade ESV, Platinum Edition and was promptly told by “Charlie,” “good luck, you won’t find any of them around” using that all-knowing salesman chatter and tone of voice. Well, not wanting to miss a beat I told him not to worry about them being rare and hard to find, Symes Cadillac in Pasadena has two, one of which I test drove and loved! But we are looking for a true 4 wheel drive heavy duty SUV. At this point I was hoping that “Charlie” was a better cop than he was a salesman, as he was losing us fast, real fast. This was a great learning experience for my son however. Having purchased over 45 new cars and trucks through my life it was nice for son to get a taste of the games that some dealerships will try to employ to remove your hard-earned money from your wallet. Note: Symes Cadillac was a great place to deal with and the people were friendly and at all times reasonable with us, UNLIKE Keyes Woodland Hills.

Just before GM went spinning out of control, I visited Casa De Cadillac here in the Valley and was greeted by a “salesman” who was telling me how “rare” these new cadillac XLRs were and “they were getting thousands over sticker.” I was having one of my Cadillacs worked on as the car was in need of new tires and I thought I would look at the new models. You see my friends, you go in and want to make a deal and buy a shiny new car and these greedy pigs want to make love to you with a broom stick! I say get rid of the sales people, let me deal with the factory and visit a location where I can look at or drive the vehicle I am interested in. This way people like us do not have to be insulted by people who are trying to hustle us and to some degree rip us off! And turn these “sales people” into greeters who will show you to a comfortable seating area and get you something nice to drink while you decide what the color of your new vehicle will be.

You may have noticed a new phenomenon lately, the Divorce Franchise business. Oh for sure, there are the clever titles, “Divorce with Dignity and Move On,” ‘‘Get On With Your Life” and the like. And for a small fee you can buy a “franchise,” sure, $25,000 for one location and only $20,000 for your branch offices. As soon as you buy one of these “franchises” you can contract with us at DesperateExes.com, and if you have any money left you can take us to lunch and I will give you the very same advice.

Sure the gist of the program is “being unreasonable is going to cost you money” and of course with an attorney, “they are going to take your money.” Duh, that is why they practice law, to make a living, hmmm maybe they should charge a “franchise” fee! One gentleman is quoted, “to buy a franchise you should have a strong background in either business, finance or law,” NO SHIT!!!!??? Another golden moment is this, “We do have people leave our process because they get back together, and to me that is a gift. Marriage is a great thing, and if we got better at handling divorce, we might have fewer of them in the future.” What kind of Whammy Mammy horse shit is this? Sure if we could take away all the guns we would not have people killing each other with guns…knife sales would increase!

Whoever thinks that you can two people who have either betrayed one another or one side or the other feels wronged, no halfwit with a “Feel Good and Be Nice” franchise is going to make it all better. Simple. Divorce is ugly and it makes no difference what state you do it in. Certainly some states are more let’s say “friendly” to one gender or the other, however, it is still going to be not nice. Like being snowed in with 6 feet of snow or 8 feet of snow, not going to fun to shovel!

I would love to sell a franchise for DesperateExes.com, too bad for me, it is just a hobby. One other question I have, would this “franchise” of love and understanding be like practicing law without a license, or medicine with no license? Just thinking outside the box!

Here is my list of recommended lawyers who practice family law in Southern California. I believe you will be in good hands if you are represented by any of them. And before you start, I DO NOT WORK FOR ALL OF THESE LAWYERS, yes there are some that I have, and so what? I am proud to consider some of these people my friends and have for many years. Looking back over the last 18 years I am very happy with the lawyers I work with, they are the best! There are others that I don’t care one way or the other as to being friends with, however, they do a good job. Several of these people were recommended to me by other lawyers that I trust, and I too have some knowledge of their backgrounds and know they have a well-earned reputation. Some who are not on the list are not there for one simple reason: I don’t care for them, though a case could be made that they too are good…unfortunately, “my world my rules.” And at the end of the day it is all about trust.

Please do your own homework as well, and not just before you hire someone. When you look at your statement, ask questions and if it seems too high, mention it to the attorney or the office administrator. It will keep the air clear and limit the stress as to the ride of your life, DIVORCE. Communicate, tell your lawyer how you are doing financially and if it gets too big, then shame on them. It may also be a motivator for your lawyer to go into court for fees. Yes! How about that, whoever has the most money has to pay, well that is how it is supposed to work. Rest your fingers, I do understand that sometimes it is tough to get any money, but you have to try and your lawyer should understand that also…..you need to save for a rainy day, and my friend it will rain!

Good Luck, and I hope that those of you going through a divorce will survive the ride of your lives with dignity and financial security. Having one of these folks on your side will help.

** indicates lawyers I’ve never worked with but recommended by those I trust

Sorrell Trope
Michael Trope
Robert M. Cohen
Lisa Helfend Meyer
Bruce Abramson **
Dana Lowy
Doreen Olson
Pat Phillips**
Stephen Gersman**
Felicia Meyer
Gary Fishbein
Judy Bogen
Bob Friedman**
Joe Mannis
Ilene E. Trabolsi
Neil Hersh
Susan Wiesner
Ros Soudry
Samantha Spector**
Debra Frank
Manly Freid**
Cary Goldstein
Dennis Wasser**
Lawrence Leone
Anne C. Kiley
Daniel Jaffe
Grace Jamra
Jim Klein**
Stacy D. Philips
Ron Rale
John R. Schilling** (Orange County)
Laura Wasser**
Steven Knowles
Joe Langolis**
Elizabeth E.Vogt, Esq. (Santa Barbara)
John Summers**
Peter A. Lauzon
Melanie Mandels**
Adam P. Lipsic
Anne N. Slusser
Lorri A. Howe
Rich Kotler **
Ira M. Friedman
Sam Bransky**
Ron Litz
Tamar Poladian
Elyse Margolin
Avi Levy
Patrick Decarolis

Gotta love these!

I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my
annual checkup. She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked
why and she said, “Because . . . I’m trying to examine you.”

When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then
I realized that God doesn’t work that way.. So I stole a bike and
asked Him to forgive me.

Once again it’s “Super Lawyers” time…folks, this is so embarrassing! Embarrassing from the point that this is PAID PUBLICITY, paid for by the “Super Lawyers” themselves. Sure I have heard all about the “point system” and “input from peers,” I am just having problems telling Bullshit from Roses.

If you read this bullshit quickly you would think, “wow, these guys are really special“…about as special as having a belly button. And the photos, here is an example: that fellow sitting on the very expensive motor cycle on the front page had to have spent at least $25,000 for that picture alone, now that is super (I am not mentioning his name as he got plenty of PR from that high-paid front page placement)! And forget what those who have two page spreads had to pay, incredible only to be “Super” in their own minds. Input from peers, and 12 indicators of peer recognition and professional achievment-things like experience, verdicts,and settlements, transactions, clients, honors and awards — this was taken from “Super Lawyers” on how the “Supers” are selected…I am not buying it.

The publisher who came up with this should be considered “super” for pulling off this lucrative promotional scam on the American public. 55 regional editions from Hawaii to Maine. And it gets even better, there is Top 10 Law Schools, The Top 100, The Top 50, The Rising Stars. Well how about this, The Biggest Wallet, The Newest Rolls Royce, The Biggest Gut, The Smallest Feet, our favorites The Best Dressed, The Worst Dressed, The Worst Breath, The Biggest Ego, The Coolest Offices, and as you see this could go on and on.

This would be better titled, “Lawyers Working Close to You Who Paid to Be Called ‘Super.” “Super Lawyers” and the way it is promoted is very misleading. I know some of these lawyers, and to call them “Super” would be a little like watching a train wreck and applauding. There are some very good lawyers on the list and it is worth mentioning that the big photos are a little less this year, and I have to wonder if these lawyers are realizing how many of these ridiculous framed photos they can have in their offices at any given time? Oh that is one of the other fun things you can do if you buy one of these silly advertising gimmicks and that is having it framed and hanging in your office…problem, they are also hanging in all of the other “Super Lawyers” offices…..why? They too paid for it!

Hmm, I just had a thought, they should reach out to all of those unhappy clients who may have hired a “Super Lawyer” from this list and got hammered. We could then have the “Asswipe Awards,” and then we could see how many of those would be hanging in the offices across this city. Folks, I have looked at the list and the “Asswipe Awards” could be a money maker too, and at least it would be honest and heart-felt.

Note: “Super Lawyers” does print this: “You may wonder whether lawyers pay to be included. The simple and unequivocal answer is no. Lawyers do not and cannot pay to be included, and advertising has no bearing on the selection to the list in fact, ads are not sold until after final selections are made)”…who writes this stuff? guys in long coats, tall hats and carpet bags?

DesperateExes.com will be posting our own list of lawyers who we think are the best here in the Southern California area, based on our experience and observation, not payola. But if anyone wants to send us $25,000, we’ll be happy to post your picture, suitable for framing!

“Baby Pimpin’“… who would have ever thought this would be something that we would be talking about? But in this day and age, no real surprise here folks, family values are hard to find in our own homes, and to have access to a “celebrity” infant is a real money maker. To the parents of these children it is a fast track to big dollars. Almost like putting the kid on a spinning wheel and seeing were it stops and how much that photo spot will pay.

Old Hollywood was all about glamour, great estates and wonderful cars. Today, you have these flash-in-the-pan losers grabbing the new born ASAP and getting to the “paps.” The days when moguls and stars would keep their children under wraps to prevent them from being exploited in the media seem a thing of the past, even as being potential targets of kidnappers, stalkers and even terrorists has gotten worse.

What makes these losers think that they are doing good for the welfare of the infant or the small child, keeping them in the media to make money from the gossip magazines? How easy would it be for an unstable person to try and hurt the child as it is being tucked under one’s arm in the search of someone to take a picture. We have all seen it, “Oh I am going shopping on Robertson Blvd,” knowing that there will be photogs waiting, or the little mommy or daddy time at the park, too bad you called and told the photogs you would be there. Phonies all of them! John Lennon’s family understands this real well, world leaders understand the risk. Not in Hollywood, it is still very much, “quick get the kid, I have bills to pay.” We have witnessed this too many times to deny it.

”Hollywood Gossip” reported that Kourtney Kardashian dragged her newborn to Ryan Seacrest’s KIIS-FM radio show, Baby Pimping. “How cute is baby Mason?!” Seacrest asked, happily playing the role of enabler to one of the stars of a series he produces. “Is baby ready to feed? He’s looking for your breast.” Kris Jenner and Kim Kardashian accompanied their exploitative sister to the show, as Kourtney wrote on her blog: “I take Mason everywhere with me. We had to stop in and surprise Ryan!” The Kardashians, where did they come from? Paris Hilton had a name at least…”The Kardashians”?

“Hollywood Gossip” also took a slap at Birkhead, “Note to Larry Birkhead: the baby pimping bar has been raised to a new level. Will you meet it? To do so, Anna Nicole Smith’s baby daddy will need to bring his young child on to a radio show and then act as if he’s doing it just to see a pal.” It is my opinion that this “Baby Pimping” is going to continue as these wanna-be-famous types will use whatever they can to promote themselves and to to make a buck, after all it is the American way. The problem is that soon there is always someone more interesting and fascinating to the press and to those who read this trash. I am old enough to remember the Kennedys, Sinatra, Onassis and others who made it a point to keep their children out of the limelight…then again, they did not have to stand on their children’s backs to make a buck, those were the days of true Hollywood Glamour and Class.

Emotions and divorce… I was sitting in Commissioner Scott Gordon’s court the other day, and sitting before him were two people who at one time loved each other. These former love birds have little or nothing in common anymore, other than a child.

After a little wrangling and a huge mistep by the Mr. X (his lawyer bailed on him the day before), he shows up with no lawyer and a trial is due and not going to be put off as he was planning. For Mr. X, the game was over, now. He and the former love of his life did the impossible, he, she and her lawyer sat and negotiated what the future months and years may or may not hold. After all was said and done, Commissioner Scott Gordon did it, he divorced them. First the mother of the child began to lightly weep, it was done and she would once again have her original name reinstated. And with a sweep of the pen, the two former lovers with the great plans for a bright future (4.5 years ago) were done! And you know, the now very much X, he too was weeping.

For these two it was certainly over, over in so much that they were now almost back to where they were 4.5 years ago. However, even though the tears have dried, these two will have the next 13.5 years to deal with their son, and let’s hope that the two of them will recall the day they sat and weeped in Commissioner Scott Gordon’s courtroom.

…from his own firm!

(see here for how this started, and here for more on Ms. Boultinghouse)

Dear John,

Let it not be said that I cannot deliver promptly. The following are two happy and fascinating clients who will have nice things to say about Michael, and maybe me too – they work with both Michael and I and know him well. One is a British Duke …The other is a charming actress/model… They have both given me their permission to give you their contact details and welcome your contacting them at your convenience.

Well, that’s a start, but I am not done with your noble challenge. Best regards to you and your sons and off course, your dogs! (I will miss Judge Goldstein too).

Your Friend,

Crystal Boultinghouse
Attorney at Law
Law Office of J. Michael Kelly
Tel: 1-310-393-0236 ext 112

Flying anyplace today is tough, go to the airport and get jerked around by some TSA employees who just could never cut it as real cops and now you get to deal with them as they go about protecting the flying public, not fun. So sometimes the boys ,the dogs and I head for the highway, yes sir, the wide open roads. We love a road trip. Last week we drove through Utah, Oregon, Nevada and Arizona and we love to visit some of the small towns and look for local color. Food or just stuff, interesting finds and who knows, we are often surprised.

On the return trip to California, I wanted to show the boys where I attended the police academy in Eureka, California almost 30 years ago. We all got a little hungry and decided to get off in Garberville, Humboldt County, California. This will now be known as “Garbageville” as we found without a doubt, what I would have to say was one of the worst eating holes I have ever been in. Sicilitos Pizzeria, Mexican and Seafood — that should have been a clue. My two sons decided to stop at this place and it was one of the biggest eating mistakes the three of us ever made.

Upon entering we got hit in the snot locker with the very strong odor of none other than the biggest crop in Humboldt County, marijuana. And all these people, young folks, hanging around, white trash is pretty much all you can see in most of these towns. The old guys have those big bushy white and gray unkempt beards and the young ones have the baggy jeans, hooded sweat shirts and the stupid ball caps cocked to one side….they look available for sex or sales or both. And a “Mexican” food place without Mexicans eating or cooking there should have been a warning signal.

Chris orders a burrito plate and when it arrives, does not look too bad and if we were to judge it, maybe on a scale from one to ten, a 4.5. Mikee orders a sausage and pepper sandwich that was a joke, $8.75 for a very small sandwich that had ground sausage like you find on a cheap pizza and half-cooked peppers…it was the worst! I order a New York steak, medium well and when it comes it is bleeding profusely on my plate…..the yak that we had as a server has to bring it back to the inbred cook in the kitchen with hopes that it will get done right…scary! PLEASE DO NOT EVER EAT HERE EVEN IF YOU ARE STRANDED IN GARBAGEVILLE.

Sicilitos looks and smells like a front for something a bit more lucrative than miserable food and even more miserable service…I paid with a credit card, the charge back will be my revenge!

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