Car Sales 101

John J. Nazarian
May 7, 2024

Do any of you realize what is more VIRULENT than the MARBURG Virus, EBOLA or even HANTAVIRUS? I have the answer without a doubt in my mind, CAR SALES PEOPLE and THE OWNERS of these festering dens of thieves called dealerships or car lots. Makes no difference, Cadillac, GMC, Chevrolet, Ford, Bentley, Volvo, Honda, Rolls Royce all of them attract a level of the lowest of human life, vermin aka salespeople. Many of these people are gamblers, sex addicts, alcoholics, drug addicts as well as drug dealers and more. This I know for a fact. It is just something about the “hustle” that brings out the “hustlers”. When I worked county probation I had upwards of 5 offenders who all worked at dealerships as car salesman, closers, sales managers and all the rest!

What it seems that in every organization there is a few smart ones who know how to manipulate the ‘not so smart ones,’ they often are the managers or finance people. After all it is sales and manipulation that are critical, that manipulation begins when you walk on to the lot!

During the pandemic, the owners of car dealerships set out to rip off anyone they could due to allotments from the factory. Keep in mind this is a group that wakes up in the morning wanting to bury you in your purchase of an automobile it is just what they do. Their sole desire is to take advantage of you, whenever given the opportunity. As I was told one time by one of the biggest dealers in the United States, “ I have a right to make a profit” (that was my good friend Howard T ). During COVID they had a model that you may have been interested in; they were adding $5,000, $10,000, $15,000 all the way up to $100,000 on some models just to line their pockets and those they work for, RUTHLESS! The justification was that many models were not available and thus it was their right to rip you off. “ Fools and their money are soon parted,” these purveyors of greed pray on you if you will let them. “Always be closing,” is the mantra that some are trained for and the best one I love is “WORD TRACKS”. Word Tracks are methods of wording themselves in how they are communicating with you to address your ‘road blocks’ to the sale.

Shockingly many fools were parted from large sums of money in their desire to have what they wanted during COVID. More shocking was the banks who went along with the financing of these vehicles. The entire system is rigged against you, especially if you are not too smart. Even when you make a horrible financial decision the banks will buy the loan. Many dealers have credit unions and banks that will loan on some shaky deals. Keep in mind that the auto stores make lots of money on the financing too, thousands of dollars.

Was it just business, perhaps or is just the way these places operate, you will get better respect at a whore house! Or at least thanked!

Sure, some of us have a desire to get a new car more frequently than others, hell ya, nothing better than sinking hard earned money into a depreciating asset. (God knows I am guilty) However, these ‘sometimes’ well dressed low lives with the gift of gab will always be there with their fake smiles and acting as if they have known you all your life in their initial greeting! Some of these night crawlers are trained to some degree and others are sent to schools on how to “re-direct” you when you begin to get cold feet on the sale. Their mere presence when I walk onto or into one of these places can make you want to puke. Personally, I can’t stand the bastards, not fit to wipe my Rottweiler’s ass. One day these human vermin will be gone from the picture. That is the master plan, but it seems that they are still showing up to “sell” you what you most likely don’t need.

It is the manufactures hope that it will be sales similar to Tesla, you pretty much order on line. The big boys want to rid the industry of these vermin too, not for you or me but to increase the profit on the bottom line. There will be a greeter when you arrive to pick up your vehicle and it will be a more pleasant experience for all of us who decide to buy a new vehicle.

When you hear someone say they have a “friend who sells cars” laugh at them. There is no such thing. Several months ago I contacted someone I knew who owned a Toyota dealership (12/2023 Centennial Toyota, Las Vegas ), we will call him Howard “T”. I told “T” I was interested in a particular Toyota, he put me in touch with one of his sales managers ( Sam Meixner ) who tried to charge me almost double for the model I was interested in. A real asshat this guy was. Folks you have NO FRIENDS when it comes to you buying a car. You are the ‘meal’ once you sit down at the “desk”. The more they can screw you on the deal, the more they make, it cannot be any simpler!

Another guy I bought multiple Escalades from over a few years (Parkway Cadillac in Valencia, Ca). When I wanted another Escalade I was told by my “buddy” that due to market conditions he wanted $25,000.00 over the MSRP. This stupid S.O.B. really thought I was going for it!? There are no such things as a faithful customer of any automobile product, right Steve? I did in fact get clipped, I am sure one time when I purchased an extended warranty from this prick. The fact that I had been a great customer meant nothing to him, they are nothing but modern day carpet baggers and there are no exceptions.Their behavior and mind set is similar to putting a child molester in charge of a children’s day camp!

Keep in mind from the time you walk or drive onto the lot looking for a new set of wheels it is these peoples’ job to screw you to the wall if they can! They are as ruthless in their hopes of separating you from your money, as a coyote is in its attempt to kill as many chickens as it can before being caught. All the ‘car sales’ tricks are the same today as it was 50 years ago. That is a fact. You will be lied to and cheated at every opportunity, it makes no difference to this level of scum, don’t be offended, it is just who they are!

If they can work you on payments and bury you with payments and horrible interest they will and not care how badly you are devastated financially. When this happens, this is a great day for them! The funny part is that these sales people, sales managers, finance and insurance departments do their best to sell you all they can at ridiculous prices. (they pay $400 or less and sell it to you for thousands of dollars ) They get a percentage of all of it, but it is the owners who totally get rich and are laughing at you as you leave the store! Another fact is, that all of them are as disposable as toilet paper and most if not all don’t actually like or respect each other! It is a total snake pit of lustful vipers during mating. I know this business backwards and forwards.

Several years ago my office was hired to follow one of the biggest names in the auto world around to all the strip clubs in the Los Angeles area. Here he was giving away cash like it was confetti and I was sitting next to him. (I was paid enough to get my money back from an Escalade I had purchased from one of his stores). It was funny watching him get worked over by the “girls,” they earned their money for those lap dances, I swear. It was actually funny to watch this old asshole getting ‘worked’ over. The difference was that he cannot spend or give away his money, he has that much! His wife puts up with it, I am realizing that the old codger will be dead one day and she will still have a great life…. just without him. (birds of a feather flock together) frankly she was as pathetic as he was. I have had to deal with many big shot car dealers through the years and they are really nothing more than copies of their miserable businesses, they think they are so cool…. I know the truth!

Note: Back in the 70’s I sold cars at Peninsula Pontiac and Chrysler in Torrance, California on Pacific Coast Highway and got one hell of an education. Mr. Willis was the owner, a big black fellow, dressed real flashy and wore huge rings and a gold bracelet that hung loosely on his massive wrist. Mr. Willis was hilarious to watch as he ran the dealership’s sales managers. He actually toyed with them. GM had a program to encourage minority ownership, Mr. Willis was as I said hilarious in his verbal deliveries to those that worked for him. I was the top sales person for the 6 months that I worked at Peninsula Pontiac and not sure what says about me. It was just another life lesson for John J. Nazarian, from here it was on to the police academy.

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