Some Courtly Advice

November 17, 2009

Was that Jeff Daniels (Dumb and Dumber) at the Rite-Aid in Studio City, picking up some flu meds for Christina Applegate? Who is her doctor…could it be? Is it possible? I swear I could see the name on the label…No, I am going to let this go…..will discuss it in 2010. Folks, it pays to keep your eyes and ears open in Hollywood! Hope you feel better soon, Christina…take care.

Ladies (especially young and pretty ones), when asked by the judge in family law court “What do you think?” in ref. to visiting with the biological father, don’t ever say, ‘I’ will allow…” You will allow nothing, you have no exclusive rights, this is a “two way street” and what you think is irrelevant. In the judge’s eyes, not the “A” answer to question number one. The correct answer is, “If it is good for OUR daughter”…always be diplomatic even though you want to kill the miserable sperm donor. The judges want to see “young, hateful, and vengeful” former lovers “play nice.” And NEVER, say MY son or MY daughter, say, OUR son or OUR daughter. Folks, you better remember this especially in Commissioner Gordons courtroom. Also beware when you hear the term, well-crafted, that is like when one lawyer paints a pig pink and tries to sell it as a flamingo…all in the form of legal papers presented to the court!

Talking about judges and courtrooms, don’t ever try to play any financial games in Judge Donna Fields Goldsteins courtroom either. I swear I cannot count the number of times I have seen people give her honor “Financials” and then try to backtrack, when she reads and understands clearly who is making what, forget about it. She does not even blink when she tells the lawyers and their clients that she understands exactly what they have given her. And lie to this bench officer once and you have sealed your fate, remember what I have told all of you, tell the truth when in front of the judge or don’t open your pie hole!

And “Pro-Per” works! Yes it does, Pro-Per aka “I have no money for a lawyer” so here I go! Today, a young hispanic gentleman took on a partner of one of this city’s biggest firms! Now let me lay the foundation, The Partner was representing a young hispanic gal whose boss is some big peso guy. He retains the services of “The” Partner of the the big firm, otherwise this poor girl could not afford to park in the “The” Partners building never mind pay him…….so the case is called. “The” Partner who is very bright and well spoken does his thing…he is laying the field…when out of nowhere comes this young, formerly illegal (now married to a white girl, US citizen) running across the nicely laid field. It was so good I blinked and the “The” Partner adjusted his seat. The Judge is not going along with “The” Partner and he, “The” Partner cannot understand why the Judge is not buying what he is saying in defense of his client, the poor girl who has a rich friend with lots of Pesos!!!!! The Judge is giving the the former “illegal” every opportunity to continue digging in “The” Partner’s field…and the former “illegal” was doing so good till he missed the point the judge was trying to make him realize…for representing himself he did not do so bad. In the end, the well-financed mother of his child did a little better. The entertainment factor was priceless and “The” Partner is someone I consider a friend and he and I had some great laughs on this one…….

suitAlso for you young men who have fathered children, it does not hurt to have a nice pair of slacks and a shirt and tie for going to court, and what about a pair of polished leather shoes? Am I being insensitive, no every young man should have an appropriate clothing selection for special occaisons, and it dooesn’t get much more special than going to speak to a judge in court. Yes, you should dress appropriately, and even if you have not mastered the English language at 25 years, you can at least dress for the moment. To wear old saggy Levi’s and a white t-shirt? What are you thinking? I was always told to dress like all the others in the court room, shirt and tie. Would you wear slippers to a person’s wedding? Well maybe that is not the best example, would you wear your underwear at Thanksgiving dinner at your grandmother’s home? No, and you should try to dress well for your court appearance and try to speak well and most of all think before you put your tongue in gear. And know when you are winning and STOP, yes stop talking, the judge gets it and you did not hear him or her, you were thinking of what you were going to say disparaging about the mother of your child! Relax, dress nice and think!

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