A reader shares her all-too-familiar divorce tale

uismaeanx
September 9, 2009

Picture of DivorceHere’s a story that I would like to share so that hopefully it can help others.

On September 26, 2007 my husband had his lawyer send me a letter (I did not even know he had a lawyer and my children also knew nothing). It said he wanted the children 7 out of 14 days, and would take them wherever he wanted, I had so no, he said he would vacate the premises immediately once he had a parenting plan in place. I had called the police to ask if he could leave then, as he was confrontational, and harassing me. They said there was nothing that they could do. Later that night around nine, he started arguing again and he was scaring me and had the kids scared (he was telling them all kinds of stuff about getting divorce and yelling at my daughter). I then went downstairs and t old him to leave my son alone. At one point he had his hands across the door so I could not leave. I pushed him out of the way, he then sat on the couch, and I sent the kids upstairs, and I started asking him questions. He got mad and said he was calling the police. I later learned he called 911 and said I hit him over the head. The police came in and asked my son what happened, he told them that I pushed him and he said to me – I am sooo sorry mom. I said it is fine, you told the truth and that is what you were supposed to do. They then handcuffed me and took me to jail. They put the cuffs on so tight I had bruises on my wrist and bruises on my arm from where the police grabbed me.

I spent the night in jail and when I got out I was told that the kids were taken to their aunts house. The next day I was arraigned in Quincy district court. He tried to get a restraining order and did not succeed; I was also referred to dss. dcf. When I tried to find my children the next day I could not, they were not in school and I had to drive around Milton, I finally found them at the R….’s house. I asked if they were okay and they said fine, then my husband came out and started yelling at me. I then drove away and he was holding my car and said he would have me arrested again. And so my story begins.

I had to appear in court 3 times for the assault and battery charges, they finally dropped it for insufficient evidence, and he decided not to testify. I then had to appear on November 3 for a parenting plan and child support. I was awarded child support and we had joint legal physical custody. He started telling his lawyer lies about me and how he wasn’t working that much and his salary dropped considerably. He told the children to fight with me, he told my children I hit him over the head, he told the children I was making them move out of the house and he didn’t want us to (in the meantime he wouldnt help pay the mortgage). So my children had to move from their only home they remember 7 months after they find out their parents are getting a divorce. At the same time he introduces his girlfriend to the children and she sleeps over every weekend with her two children. 2 months after that they all move in together and my children have to share a bedroom with her children.

I had also put my daughter in therapy and because we had joint custody he could call the therapist and cancel and that is just what he did. He also told the kids all the time how unfair the parenting time was, they the children should not go 6 days without sleeping over at their fathers house. I was also accused of breaking and entering into his car for picking up the kids and their stuff, his car was unlocked and open and he told me if you want your kids come get them and their stuff. So I did. They called the police and said I broke and entered and I had to go to court again.

He also keeps taking me to court because he wants to take the children away from me, he has his family and his girlfriend and her family threaten me and harass me. I call the police, go to court, call my lawyer, and all say there is not much I can do. This has been going on for two years now, he calls me harasses me swears at me and I am told there is nothing that I can do. I currently have a gal investigation going on because this is what he wanted to put my children thru this horrible experience. And tells the kids it is me and the judge — my children get mad at me for all the trouble. I went to court in March regarding contempt and increasing child support and nothing has been done as of this date. It is incredible, he lies about his income, he stated he went from making $100,000 a year to $25,000 a year and no one says anything – he claims he makes $500 a week and pays $700 a week in rent. Am I the only one that can do the math here? I question the judges and courts all the time. I have spent over $25,000 dollars on court costs and gal, and still it is not over. I am out of money, and can no longer afford a lawyer, yet he has one that he pays $475 and hour that is a lying shark.

JOHN’S RESPONSE:

If I had a banana for every time I have told a client of mine (female) that when “Jerk Off” started pulling his shit to call 911, I would be the king of the monkeys! But, no, not always but sometimes the story you describe hits my client like a ton of bricks and it is never pretty.

What your husband did was almost like a page out of my game book, yup: “Scorch the earth beneath their feet.” While you were reaching for the vaseline he stuck it to you good. My dear, it should have been YOU that did exactly what HE did and you hesitated, you thought about it and you got “plumped.”

This is also a nice foundation for “parental alienation,” a term that has been coined to explain the process of parents calling their X’s whores, tramps, bums and the rest. “Parental Alienation” was once known as “talking shit!” And again not knowing all the facts it does appear that he got the upper hand, and now you are on the offensive. I dont know what any investigator can do for you, other than to verify everything you have listed here. He dug the hole and you fell in it.

As for the “support,” you are right, he is a piece of garbage…he feels as long as he is doing for his kids at any level he is not going to give you a dime! And now you are being what I call “smoked out,” you are running out of money to pay for a lawyer and again if you cannot have a paid set of lips with a law degree you will be “pro per.” Pro Per is very much like going to Vegas and playing “craps”…now there is a word that many in divorce court can relate to. I would look for some women’s support groups whose interest is in divorce, often they have attorneys that will assist for free or a fraction of a normal hourly rate.

At this point I would set him up somehow and try to tape record his verbal tirades. If he leaves you a nasty message on the cell phone, home phone or whatever, record it. When you are in front of him get a little voice recorder and encourage him to brag about how he so “plumped” you and how he should be proud of himself. You know, calling the cops when you did nothing wrong and were so set up. The money thing is a common denominator that you will have to prove, lifestyle, he lives at a level that the income he says he is making is too low, nice car, vacations, nice house etc. If he states to the court “I only make 25 grand” and he is driving a new Cadillac or Benz, you get it. Also see if he has financed anything lately, assholes like this love to make themselves look like a “wheel” when they fill out an application, your attorney can subpoena that little treasure.

I only wish that I could say “Wow!” as to this story, but I have heard it hundreds of times over the last 18 plus years. I wish you well.

John

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