A good one from a reader…
Dear Wife:
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leavingyou for good. I’vebeen a good man to you for sevenyears and I have nothingto show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that wasthe last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice that I hadgotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and evenwore a brand newpair of silkboxers. You came home andate in two minutes, and wentstraight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me youlove me anymore, youdon’t want sex anymore or anything.Either you’re cheatingon me or you don’t love me anymore,whatever the case is, I’m gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your SISTER and I are movingaway to Virginiatogether! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband –
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true that youand I have been married for seven years, althougha goodman is a far cryfrom what you’ve been. I watch my soapsso much because they drown out yourconstant whining and griping.Too bad that doesn’t work. Idid notice whenyou got a hair cut lastweek, the first thing that came tomind was “Youlook just like a girl!”but my mother raised me not to sayanything if you can’t say anything nice.
When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten meconfused with MYSISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I turned away fromyou when you had those new silk boxers on because theprice tag was still onthem. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sisterhad just borrowedfifty dollars from me that morning … And your silkboxers were $49.99.After all of this, I still loved you and felt that wecould work it out.
So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, Iquit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica butwhen I got home youwere gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. Mylawyer said thatwithyour letter that you wrote, you won’t get a dime fromme. So take care.
Signed
Rich As Hell and Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this but Carla, mysister, was bornCarl. I hope that’s not a problem.