Pellicano Trial: “The Sexiest P.I. in America”

John J. Nazarian
March 12, 2008

Maximum TaritaAnd here comes Tarita Virtue, former employee of the Pellicano Investigative Agency, Ltd and now a “Star Witness!” Yes it would appear that she has been wanting to be a star for a very long time. I knew we were in trouble when asked to spell her name she made the comment, “V” as in Vegas…at this point she could just as well have said “Vagina!” And the one photo that the defense showed the jury and the court was of a gorgeous “Virtue,” legs spread, wearing “tidy whiteees” and a great tan and nothing on top but long hair covering the “Boobs!” (See for yourself!) Oh but wait, there were more photos and when the judge saw them, she said no, too hot for Federal Court! But you dear readers can check out her “spread,” and I do mean “spread,” in the webpages of Maxim.

Ms. Virtue’s personal website and MySpace page were looked at very closely by the defense, and only god knows what else is coming! Sgt. Arnesons lawyer was very pleasant as they always are before they start the hammering, and hammer he did! He asked about her aspirations of being an actress and at one point asked if she was acting now. Her lawyer was sitting in the court and she was up there having a little rougher time now that it was time for “cross!” She was quoted in the London Press as being a “key witness.” At this point and based on my earlier observations what the hell was Pellicano thinking of when he hired Ms. Virtue and then trusted her? Oh, bet I know what he was thinking! She is pretty and the world now knows she photographs really well. And she looks great with no clothes on. I think that if Anthony Pellicano had “investigated,” he would have looked beyond that great tan!

When the defense spoke about what her immunity meant, she sorta whined that “It sucks, as I don’t want to hurt anyone!!!” She almost sounded like one of my buddies, Sir Anthony Hopkins, when he played Mr. Lechter…right after that she went back to filleting her old buddies! When she was asked why she never mentioned to the Grand Jury or the F.B.I. that she had seen Arneson take cash in an envelope, her response was classic: “I was never asked.” You have to love her! She is good and very theatrical with her bubbly responses. Defense lawyer Adam Braun was very cool as he would allow her to explain further on some of his questions, allowing her to dig a little deeper — that is the hole that she appears to be standing in. Oh, I am sure she found Friday the 7th much more fun than what she was going through now!

It would also appear that she and I share some common ground for juries, as on her MySpace page she had a title of “Jury Duty Room of Morons” with commentary from her own time on jury duty, referring to one juror as a “dipshit.” Now again I have a problem with the “jury of your peers” concept. That is total bullshit, this is leftover from the colonial days, you know, I had a pig, you had a pig, I plowed my field and you plowed yours? Now, it is very much different and unless you are OJ Simpson, who has nice things to say about this process?

When asked by defense attorney Mr. Mullins, “can you pull off something on this jury?” she of course responded “No!” This is not good for the “Star Witness.” She was asked if she ever used Ecstasy and Marijuana and she stated of course not…I wonder if she remembers Bill Clinton’s response? Now that Ms. Virtue is reeling, when she is asked did she go to school, she states she was going to go to law school but did not finish and thought of being a doctor. Her dad is a medical doctor, and I guess if modeling doesn’t work or being an actor, well than what else? SPACE CADET?

On the Maxim website she is crowned “Sexiest P.I. in America!” When asked about the semi-nude photos, she asked could she look back, and how I looked! There was another picture with her and another woman in a “compromising” position, the judge said no! She was not going to have people looking at those! One of her sites is titled, Boobs and Brains — the only issue here I see is, it does not say how much of either. When asked if she saw any reporters in the courtroom, she said “I thought I may have seen one outside.” What does she think all of those people who look like reporters are doing sitting in front of her? The place is full of reporters and she sees none. I wonder if she sees heart broken P.I.s and miserable ex-boyfriends?

Virtue is telling the packed house how Pellicano would give new employees an IQ test! I wonder if Anthony took one when he hired this little “star.” This has to be karma coming to him for all the shit he has done to people…this guy will forever hate fish and anyone with a name that begins with a V and ends with an E and has IRTU in the middle! Again she mentions how she would want to spread her wings…hmmm…In the article in Maxim, the writer states, “trolling the streets of L.A. as a high profile P.I.” What is that other “troll” word…trollop?

And in the end Virtue told the court and all that could hear that no, she did not use drugs and no she was not lying! And as for Lillian Masters, who told someone on the defense that she does do all this and is a liar, my lovely Virtue said, “women detest me” and “she hates me.” Now with a name like Lillian Masters, I wonder if it might be a little jealousy that Virtue is sitting legs spread and tanned and wings at the ready…or is she just that, a liar who took a deal to keep her ass out of the jailhouse!

And in closing, when asked how and why did Anthony Pellicano, the “trust no one” and “the private guy,” come to trust little Ms. Virtue in two weeks? “He wanted to see if I was a ‘yapper’…He made sure he could trust me and that I would not spill the beans!” Good job, Tony P! All I can say at this point, it has to be that what goes around comes around, and as someone who shares some ugly stories, I hope the going around thing has some mercy on me!

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