The sweet smell of revenge

John J. Nazarian
November 12, 2007

ShrimpAfter 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for his young secretary…hmmm, is any of this sounding familiar?

His new girlfriend demanded that she wanted to live in the couple’s multimillion dollar home, and since the man’s lawyers were a little better, he prevailed. Again, having the right lawyer — and of course, the lawyer with the right connections — in court is critical!

He gave his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay. What is it with Chardonnay and women in distress…I had a client in Malibu that wiped out huge suppies of this wine for weeks, till I showed up — and I think her soon to be X was drinking “Jack!”

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning and mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit…Repairmen refused to work in the house… The maid quit…Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and they decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things weregoing. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back…

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth — but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home…

… including the curtain rods.

This little story was given to me by Carey Stanchfield, a Paralegal Extraordinaire who works in an L.A. law firm.

Now, this is a very interesting “dirty trick,” though we don’t encourage this behavior. However, I understand that raw chicken secreted into the seat cushions or in a flower pot in a lawyer’s office or doctor’s office can be fun too! One reader told me that putting fish guts hidden in auto interiors can be fun, too! It is advisable to freeze them solid and then place…they are easier to handle and will take a little time to defrost and do their magic! “Go ahead, honey, take my car, I don’t care!” For offices it is good to do it on a Friday afternoon, and I suppose by Monday…yuck! As I was told once, timing is everything!

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