Let me reflect back in the day when funeral homes and mortuaries had so much fun in playing/manipulating with the costs of the funeral to the point that families of the dead were just simply getting ripped off! And most of the time none of the ‘victims’ walked away, never knowing the better. Families were very, very soft targets of unscrupulous funeral directors and once “it” was dead and buried people would think about stuff they were charged for weeks and months later as to pricing practices that took place to get their loved one planted! And all the prices were very flexible, I can remember vividly going to the side window of the Pierce Brother’s Mortuary on Santa Monica Blvd that over looked the parking lot and reporting back to the manager what car had been driven the grieving family. Not a total bell ringer for bad things to come, but certainly it began the tone. I can still remember the different cards with different prices tucked inside the casket pending one what the director thought we could get for that particular unit/casket. At times it felt like Monty Hall would walk from behind a curtain in the casket display room and begin throwing money around to see who would be the king or queen for the day! It was fast and it was fun for the mortuary owners and the staff….. not so much for the families that were being taken advantage of.
Not so unlike the world many people deal with when getting roped into the DIVORCE GAME. Another industry that one must be wondering about is the lawyers who practice DIVORCE Law? Having been around and worked for all of the biggest firms in Southern California and many in between, we have the “retainer game”. This is of course for the bargain shopper who is only focused on the retainer. There are some very successful DIVORCE lawyers that if the money is right on the “otherside” will take almost nothing just to land the case for his firm. The large and arrogant firms will hit you right between the eyes, $100,000.00, $50,000.00 or $25,000.00. The ignorance and lack of sophistication of the shopper has to realize that $5,000.00 is not going to last but for a week or two. Frankly, it is such a low ball scam that one must wonder how these lawyers retain their license? If somehow a large firm or a small operation hustler does take your simple ‘buy in’ also known as a “small retainer”. They do so knowing they will “Sub Out”, and you will get the very junior associate to bill his or her hours and make your retainer disappear faster than a bag of cookies around a bunch of kids.
Then we have the true bottom feeders who don’t have the “Balls” or the “Tits” to ask for those kind of numbers. Likely they would have no idea how or what to do with that kind of money any ways! So what we have are firms that will ask for $5,000.00 or maybe $10,000.00 and once that fee is placed into the billing machine monster aka Da Practice of Law, it disappears quickly. Then the continued request to replenish the initial ‘Cheap’ retainer and soon you are getting up to that $50,000.00 plus retainer that you had previously walked away from, “They are too expensive”, you made a strategic mistake….. no DIVORCE is going to cost $5,000.00. The corruption involving the DIVOCE COURTS aka Family Law Courts in my day was beyond questionable, here is a sample. Most judges on the Family Law Bench are looking forward to the day they can make hundreds of thousands of dollars as ‘retired bench officers’ and get retained by a few big firms. Now, to be rent a judge and make $500 to $1500 an hour, is the truly big pay off for the years of sitting on the bench and being generous to some powerful DIVORCE firms and not so much to the others. Previously the yearly salary was a few hundred grand, now some of these Rent a Judges make that in a month! The other interesting thing is the relationship with the court and DIVORCE lawyers, “after hours”. Big parties, great big award dinners and even seeing some of these judges at the homes of some very powerful partners of big firms eating and drinking the nights away…… lets just say that planting the seeds for retirement is just good “Business”. Personally, I understand the behavior as I do not believe any judge can be bought off with a dinner or a silly award, it is just the appearance. Almost every bench officer I met or spoke with were honorable and make the right decision. Of course with the exception of one or two whose decisions were just as cruel as any human could be… “Gossip Girl”, was a travesty of justice.
Many years ago I worked with Mirka Royston and I did enjoy the experience. Llike many others, she was hardworking and seemed to be just another grunt in the bowels of Trope and Trope, just waiting to jump out a window and land on her big feet. After Trope and Trope closed its doors like many, Royston set off on her own to seek her fortunes in the world of DIVORCE. A few years ago we had an unpleasant parting of the waves when our boats collided on the beach. Note, I always say these people that I had to work with are NOT FRIENDS, it was all transactional in so much the relationship is about money. Air kisses, ‘Lets do Dinner’, how are you? How are the kids? All of it is just bullshit. None of these lawyers have any need for anyone or anything except for themselves and to keep the retainers coming in at all costs….. The are a few lawyers that I really do enjoy and we are still friendly after all these years….. another story for another time. I also see all the real hustlers at work, adding one time big names to a shingle to give themselves standing… see a previous story. Where do old once successful lawyers go once they are tired of paying the rent… they find a young hustler and settle in for nice paydays. Ever notice how things at your lawyer’s office evolves, nothing gets done other than a monthly bill with lots of service charges, it is a statement that shows how your retainer is almost gone…… again? All there is other than lots of phone calls, trips to court, letters to Santa Claus and Tinker Bell as your money is disappearing and you are no closer to the end than the day you started. However, you are lulled into a sense of calm in the conversations that this is the way it is…… NO, IT IS NOT! Many lawyers will bill you while they wipe their asses with your money because they know more is coming! How do you know if someone spent 15 minutes or 15 hours on any particular legal issue? You don’t and many DIVORCE lawyers know this….. very, very common. “Padding the Bill”.
There was one particular lawyer a little fat bastard that many joked about “his” watch and clocks had 36 hours in a day not 24!!! Just think about this for a moment. You are going to want to suck on an exhaust pipe with all the .20 and .40’s and on and on that you will see on your billing statement from the delightful law firm. There are systems in place to be assured that not one second gets away from the “Billing Team”. Obviously, I am not supporting or recommending Royston Law Group to any of our many referrals. For the last 18 plus months we are done as I am sure Royston is with me, big yawn! It seems to have Mirka Royston as your DIVORCE lawyer has to be similar to getting ‘Fist Fucked by a bunch of retarded midgets’. Or after that initial visit / hustle you wonder why you have soft ice cream running down your leg! These are just my thoughts and feelings, and to those who have a strong dislike for me and my thoughts, ya’ll can as usual, kiss my ass!
There was a time I felt that Smirka was not bad as a DIVORCE LAWYER. There was also a time I could eat a Mulberry Street pepperoni pizza and not stay up all night farting the Battle Hymn of the Republic and wishing I had not put so much red pepper on the pie…… NO MORE!! Things change and I really don’t care either, I never had much of a problem in pulling the trigger and or blowing up a bridge in reference to a relationship… I also can recall an old witch once told me in the way I can pull that trigger telling me that “If you were Jewish, you would never do that”. Well, I am not Jewish…. that has to be the Italian in me. One thing for sure and it has not changed, no one in the world of DIVORCE throws a party like Lisa Helfend Meyer…. likely one of the only things I miss from that former relationship wreckage! The games that DIVORCE lawyers in particular will and can play with your DIVORCE case is virtually one big party if the money is there or in DIVORCE lawyer talk, as long as Mr. Green is in the house keep the music playing. Once again, my thoughts and intent here is for a good laugh and in the end it is really all about the money and unfortunately, you the client will pay for every good time and bad time!
God Bless President Donald J. Trump