Have you ever looked up a restaurants ratings on YELP? I use it to get a feel for the place we were going to visit and what we might be getting into. A few times the ratings appeared to be pretty good and, of course, what we got was less than attentive service, and worse yet was the food quality.
A few weeks ago, after filming one of my upcoming television specials, we thought we would run out to Malibu, and unfortunately, other than the ocean, pretty much there is nothing special about Malibu, especially their restaurants. Well, YELP sent me a note telling me that my thoughts of GRAVINA Malibu had violated a whole series of bullshit rules for my evaluation of what was one of the worst Italian meals I have ever had; in any place on this planet!
YELP and the San Francisco Crew who run it sends me this:
Were reaching out to let you know that our moderators removed your review of Gravina Malibu. We typically remove reviews that describe individuals or situations with objectionable terms that go beyond simply reviewing a customer experience with a business. We ask that reviewers avoid commentary that reinforces negative cultural stereotypes, makes light of physical or sexual violence, or otherwise includes unnecessarily graphic or offensive descriptions. In this case, we felt that your content crossed that line, even if you didnt intend it to. Please be aware that any further content you post that violates our guidelines in this manner may be subject to removal without notification. Repeated guideline violations may result in account closure.
Please read what I have written and see for yourself if I insult anyone. Did I call the two guys speaking Italian spaghetti-benders? Did I call them grease balls? Che cazzo dici, Guinea Bastard, Goombah, Dago? Of course not. All I did was refer to the two guys speaking Italian!!
Hispanics in the kitchen, how is this offensive? It is Southern California, and the entire state is damn near run by Mexicans and other Illegals, who either swam or snuck across the border. Did I call them Wet Backs? Did I call them wall jumpers? Did I call them taco killers? Of course not. All I did was describe who was standing in the nasty run-down kitchen!
The Lunch Lady. What did I say that got this bunch of asshats in San Francisco to give me such a warning? Did I compare them to being a little heavy around the ass/hips and dressing as if they live in their car, like my old pal Samantha Spector? No, I did nothing except discuss what I observed and the terrible food that was sent to our table. Ad Samantha Spector does dress terribly. The polar opposite of the Very seasoned and Very old DIVORCE lawyer she sucks up to! I wrote and said nothing that was not the whole truth!
**** This was the original comment on YELP as to GRAVINA, which advertises Italian food and is located in Malibu.
Hands down, one of the worst meals we have ever had any place. And talk about a complete rip-off; the prices are off the chart for 3rd rate food! Oh, for sure, you get the two guys speaking Italian almost continuously as they stand and talk to each other. And, of course, you get the initial hustle of sparkling or flat water to pump up the bill! The front of the house is not bad, but old. To get to the restroom, you walk past the dishwasher and the kitchen (the usual Hispanics in the kitchen doing the Italian cooking this is normal for California). This place is old, and it shows. The restroom is nasty, and someone might want to wash or wipe the door; disgusting. (The old adage nasty restrooms, nasty kitchen ALL TRUE)
I ordered an eggplant parm. It was obviously NOT FRESH and hit a microwave prior to being placed in a dish and placed in front of me. This was a $25.00 mistake, $25.00 for a 2 x 2 inch! And it was disgusting! NOT FRESH. Look between the layers of eggplant; whatever it was, it was horrid! We ordered the chicken special with a butter/caper sauce. The chicken looked like it had been sitting in a refrigerator (I hope) and then warmed up in a microwave, and this sauce was dumped on it with mushy green beans! Can it get worse than this? YES! The GNOCCHI with eggplant was nothing but a sauce that had sat for too long a time, and the GNOCCHI was not fresh; we have some in our refrigerator waiting to be cooked. ALL BAD, AVOID THIS RIP-OFF ON PCH! Not even the bread, that too is served cold unless you pop for the garlic bread at $6.95; that is nothing but a sandwich roll that someone cut in half and tossed in an oven, and again a total RIP-OFF! My grandkids get better Italian food served by the lunch lady at their school. It was shocking what they served and, even worse, what they charged, a $ 20.00 meal for over $100 dollars. Only in Malibu could a place like this survive! Go find a nice OLIVE GARDEN, and maybe Al Martino will be singing in the background. The background music was as bad as the food at this place!
John J. Nazarian
And as always, I signed the darn comment, and I did nothing wrong. As I said, I am telling the truth, so why would I not sign my name.
Hate someone? Get them a gift card to this Slop Shack by the Sea!
editors note: All the quotes under the pictures are taken from customers’ reviews on Yelp and Google.
By John Nazarian
Straight Talk with John J. Nazarian, Private Investigator
July 10, 2022
All Rights Reserved, do not reproduce in whole or in part without the express written consent of the author.