The Magic Show

It was 1941, and it was one of W.C. Fields’ great movies, “Never give a sucker an even break.”  It appears that many lawyers in the world of DIVORCE law agree with that sentiment. An example, you ask. Well, let me accommodate that request. So, enjoy the magic show, and if this has happened to you, you were right. Poof! Your money is gone, and you are a “sucker.”

It all begins when you go to one of these gigantic DIVORCE, or as they would have you think, “Family Law Practice,” firms and you are surrounded by big staffs, high dollar furnishings, those dam diamonds, and gorgeous handbags. And those goddamn orchids. Beautiful plants, for sure. When you leave after that first (setting of the hooks) meeting or one of the many depositions you will be paying for, you should take one of those orchids with you!  After all, you paid for them, and that great lunch you just ate or the yummy danish you enjoyed in the morning, all paid for by you! (nothing is free) And pay you will, pay and pay and pay! And you will be encouraged to pay and pay as you are going to win this battle of DIVORCE! Unfortunately, you will likely not win any of the goals you have been assured by these “magicians” with law licenses. (if you are at a firm that feeds you a nice lunch, that is very rare. Most of these “cash mills” want all that money for themselves and are not big at sharing; you are lucky to get a bottle of water and a bag of chips)

You know the drill, hand it over now….money, jewelry, firstborn

“Never give a sucker an even break.” Here is another scenario, and it is like a magic show when your primary lawyer shows up with an “entourage”! Watch your money all disappear by the minute!  Oh, one more thing. All those fake smiles and big assurances that “all will be fine” are all a big part of the magic show! The fact that you had to hire one of these scoundrels should be a “coming to Jesus” moment that you are screwed. Sure, if you have the money OR the possibility that a “Judge” will force one or both of you to pay for all of this “Magic show” as you sit and wait for that big white rabbit!

The magic is the phenomenal rate that your money is going to disappear from your wallet and into your lawyer’s wallet within hours, days, weeks, or months!  Your primary lawyer and her/his gaggle of misfits are all getting paid an hourly rate as they sit there passing water, notes, and smiles. Lovely!  And this gets the firm paid, as well as the “gang,” if you will, who get to bill their hours for their quota of billable hours for the month. And there will be staff and lawyers who are not presentable and who stay in the shadows; they bill too!  And you will pay for all of it if the judge’s spinning wheel stops on “PAY,” or you are a High-Net-Worth Earner, aka BIG SUCKER, and your accountants are just sending those checks out assisting with the “Magic Show!” Thank you, W.C. Fields!

 

One born every minute

Here is another part of the “trickery” that goes on. When you, the client, or in this case the “SUCKER,” gets that big bill and you are beginning to awaken from all those assurances and the ether you have been breathing is wearing off, the ugly realization you have been snookered by people you thought you could trust set. You do not want to pay that ridiculous bill due to your feeling you got taken advantage of, “SUCKERED,” so you begin to think of what you can do. You are bordering on making a complaint to the State BAR of California, the organization that has given your lawyer permission to try and pull swans out of your ass!  As you are thinking about this, your lawyer will not harass you, annoy you, or screw with you for at least one year!

Do you think your legal team (the hugs and kisses people) has given up on you, and you were ever paying that Great Big White Rabbit that has eaten a considerable amount of your wealth?  Ahhhhhh, the MAGIC SHOW is still running. You do not get bothered because your lawyer knows you have 12 months to make a complaint to the BAR about the overbilling and all those hours that were a sham and incompetence in many cases. You will wonder if it is true that a day has only 24 hours. (Kolodny, who many thought had special clocks and watches that had more than 24 hours built into them) After those 12 months pass, you will be getting those nasty calls from some incompetent office staffer, statements, and threatening letters. The “Magician” wants to get paid what you agreed to pay them. IF you do not want to pay, then that bill will be turned over to a collection firm, or my old friend Ira, an attorney in Beverly Hills, whose specialty is collecting on those deadbeat receivables, YOU!  Ira is a great guy who is only doing what the law allows; collect what your lawyer says you owe!

The funniest part of this little story is that you never made it to The Magic Castle, which is a real “Magic Show,” and leave with your wallet and savings intact!

 

By John Nazarian
©Straight Talk with John J. Nazarian, Private Investigator
June 25, 2021
All Rights Reserved, do not reproduce in whole or in part without the express written consent of the author.

Leave a Reply