First, I want to address all the where have you been questions we here at DESPERATEEXES.com have received. Well, it is not a pretty story, to say the least. Early in July, I had a catastrophic accident that could have taken my life. One of my dear friends told me the other day, John, God knocked on your door, more on that later. While moving a soaker hose for some new saplings we had planted earlier in the year, I slipped down a small slope and fell. It was almost like a dream, that dream where when you fall, you feel almost like this fall is not going to end. Well, this fall did end, and it did not end well.
As I was falling, I could hear my bones breaking in my leg; I did not know how many had broken till much later. Much later is a critical part of what could have been my demise. Due to the size of my ranch, I had not prepared for anything other than to move a hose for soaking some new saplings. Usually, we carry a firearm while on the property for all kinds of things, such as rattlers, both the type that crawl and those with two legs. We often bring our cell phones to keep in touch. This time, I had prepared for nothing. It was only going to take a few minutes to move the hose I thought. Well, after falling and breaking all my bones in my lower leg, which left my foot laying to the side of my once good leg, I was done for now. Little did I know that this could have been my last intentional act on this planet.
Once what had just happened sunk in, I realized I was pretty much screwed.
Help, I have fallen and cant get up took on a whole new meaning to me. All those jokes that I had laughed at and about as a younger man did not seem so funny anymore. It would get much worse as I lay there in 110-degree heat, with no shade and a slight trickle of water to sustain me. The pain was excruciating, and at a level I could never have imagined before this accident. Seeing my foot laying off to the side, too, was a reality I had never experienced and even worse, at my age. It was the day before my 70th birthday; this birthday was not happening.
I would lay there for almost 90 minutes, fading in and out of consciousness. Early on, or at some point, I had yelled for help, and children attending the camp facility further up the canyon had heard me! These very same children told a counselor that they heard someone yelling for help. They did, it was me! Those in my home could not hear me as the two air conditioning units were on full blast, and with my house being well insulated, no sounds can be heard from outside. Even when we shoot rifles and shotguns in our backyard, all is quiet inside.
At some point, as I was fading in and out of consciousness, I could hear female voices yelling, where are you? I will never complain of the presence of the camp up in the canyon or the traffic it generates. It would be the three camp counselors taking it upon themselves to follow up on the kids attending reporting that they had heard someone yelling for help. Those three young camp counselors would be my saviors as I was fading fast and could have bled out, as the lower bones had almost cut through, and I was bleeding internally. The girls would get the attention of those inside the house and had already called 911 upon finding me. Because of the act of concern and kindness on the part of those three young camp counselors, I will be in debt to them forever.
The responding paramedics and firefighters could not have been more caring and compassionate. The biggest attention-getter was the location of my foot. Even though it was still attached, it was at an odd angle. These first responders managed to put an inflatable splint and secured my leg and foot so that the pain went from 100 to 99. These paramedics and the firefighters are the pros you can only pray for when you are in the situation I found myself in. They loaded me into the wagon, and off to the trauma center, code 3, I went. Thank God for these people who always come running when we call 911. And thank God for those three angels who followed their instincts and found me lying on the side of the road. I have tears in my eyes reliving this story.
Anyone who knows me understands that I have never been terribly religious as to my beliefs. From my first breath at birth, my life, embalmer, and police work, I have seen it all, and believing is challenging when you have lived and seen what I have had to deal with. I have often felt that heaven and hell is right here on planet earth. Look at the lives some people live and the lives of others who are not as fortunate live. During this ordeal, I was surprised that, as I reflected on my situation, I was at peace. The excruciating pain I had felt as I slipped in and out of consciousness was not there anymore, and I was comfortable with what I had to deal with. Until I began the recovery, all I can say is 1-10 is not a good enough scale to judge pain.
As I mentioned earlier, had God knocked on my door? Bible study is back in my life, and living part-time in Montana, and at our ranch in Los Angeles, it is all making sense. Events like this make you realize life is very short, and that enjoying your family and good times is what makes life living.
I want to thank a very special person who helped me from day one, literally 24 / 7 for over two months, my guardian angel, Nick T. This young man was present every waking hour. Dispensing pain medication, getting me to and from the restroom, getting me showered and keeping my leg elevated, making sure I ate and transportation to and from the doctors appointments, and the list goes on. You must remember that for several weeks I could do little or nothing for myself. Humbling is the word I find myself repeating quite often, lots of laughs as we found ourselves in awful situations. I learned that pain medications have a terrible effect on the digestive system. Thank You to Nick, Mike, and Laura for all your hard work and generosity.
Special Thanks to Benjamin Valencia, Paul Anka, Joe Mannis, Mark, Laura, Judy, Pat, and others who kept us busy during my downtime; my family and I appreciate all of you.
By John Nazarian
Straight Talk with John J. Nazarian, Private Investigator
September 26, 2020
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