Have you ever watched pigs or hogs at feeding time? Having spent considerable time on a ranch that members of my family owned, I got to watch how vicious a hungry pig can be. Another relative of ours had literally thousands of these four legged garbage disposals back in the days when the ‘swill’ was picked up by a man and taken to a far off place and fed to the hogs. That is now called Magic Mountain.
Where am I going with this you ask? Well, the viciousness of lawyers at a deposition or other legal proceeding can be similar to what I observed above on several levels. When a pig is injured and bleeding the others will attack with a vengeance that no Hollywood movie could ever get right on the big screen. It is a level of meanness you have to see to believe, these animals will literally eat the wounded animal alive! For that matter, chickens too are very cannibalistic. Chickens – pigs, back to the point. Maybe it is being present in the moment and watching mother nature take her course that makes you wonder if you will ever eat another piece of bacon or enjoy a nice Honey Baked Ham? (or a McNuggett, you know it really is all white meat)
A few months ago, an attorney during a deposition ordered an opposing lawyer ‘out of the office suite’, to the point that it got so nasty that the cops were called. Called to make it clear that even though this lawyer was invited and had a right to be there as it was ‘their’ client participating in this depo, ‘This’ lawyer had had his fill at the trough and now wanted more, wanted to flex those skinny little pale arms and show all in view how tough he was. Orrrrrrr was it just that he was being a total and intolerable asshole? Now these two lawyers had a relationship for many years and out of no where one began to throw pig shit at the other! Give me pig slop but hold the pig shit! This ‘Boss Hog’ in the world of DIVORCE actually called the police to have this other lawyer (a partner at an opposing firm) escorted out of a legal proceeding! The cops who had been called did just that. Or, the other choice would have been to be arrested for trespassing! What the ‘big hog’ really needed was to get slapped with a big ass law book across his nasty snout!
And Da nasty keeps coming. Short time ago, a partner from another DIVORCE firm on the outer limits of Beverly Hills was at a deposition at one of the more swanky firms in Century City and for some unexplained reason looked at one of the opposing lawyers and called her a fucking bitch. Now, I am not sure, she might have been in mid sentence with perhaps a ‘poke in the eye’ for the good counselor, when that legal thought was allowed to fly. Now I have never been to law school and I cannot speak to the curriculum, at what point does a term such as fucking bitch enter? Is that old English Law, Spirit of the Law, or a legal observation by one lawyer towards another? Or is it a fall back on why does a dog lick his nuts? Because he can and for some of you stop being jealous! What I described in the two instances above is that it was an ‘instinct’ to strike out and to hell with all propriety! Note: the thrower of the ‘F’n Bitch’ has been tutored by one of the best lawyers in town, whose vernacular might include a word or two as such! No habibis or habibtis on this visit however, the word friend is tenuous in this group when it comes to money and how much one is allowed to earn. Now I have seen lawyers sit and look at each other with total disgust and in the next minute be rather friendly in the hallways of the courthouse weeks later or in some instances once outside the arena or courtroom. (Please do not get the Arena confused with the Arena, as funny as a picture that could bring to mind. No dancing on boxes with flashing lights. Oh there is a box to sit in and be faced with glimmering teeth, not that Arena)
And not to be out done by the bad manners, how about this! One little lawyer wanting to be in the ‘leagues’ from the outskirts of the land of ‘pedestrian’ decides to verbally go after the founding partner of one of Southern Californias largest DIVORCE firms. Well, let me tell you this, if Adam and EVE hadnt screwed up in the garden with that dam snake and the delicious apple, only God knows where things may have ended up. I will tell you this, it will be a cold day in hell before Eve ever gets another bite at the once delicious apple, God had other plans and that will also be to never ever get another nice referral, hope you enjoyed your comment. Oye, that was not too smart, biting the hand of a rain maker. We love when those in charge make it rain. I am just saying. We as humans often forget that like hungry hogs at a trough, some get to eat more, others, just get garbage stuck in there snout. As to collecting designer bags, some folks like high dollar cars, some like nice vacations and for some, it is those damn shoes and handbags (I am talking about females here, we are not going to ‘OUT’ anyone on this site) And for a hand full of successful DIVORCE lawyers, they love it all and get to have it all as it is the only reward at times for having to deal with the ‘gang’ at the trough. Till the next time, Oink!
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By John Nazarian
Straight Talk with John J. Nazarian, Private Investigator
February 18, 2015
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