Well, George Kalta was in front of Judge Fischer for his sentencing for hiring The Pelican to wiretap a woman accusing him of assault. He has been waiting for what must seem like years to him and his family.  He was dressed in his usual very large black suit, it looked even larger as he has lost a little weight. For George losing a few pounds is a little like taking off the 17 inch wheel in exchange for a 16 inch on your Cadillac Escalade.   He looked a little like that Big M&M you see in the commercials on television.  You know the one that is running on the conveyor headed for the bag…..poor George was sweating and looked like he was going to collapse at any minute. Prosecutor Dan Saunders was also present and was looking as he always had, well-dressed and  well-spoken and calm…his calmness I think made poor George even more nervous.  George Kalta is also the only person that I ever met or heard of that got a refund from Anthony Pellicano……and then again, there are not many people who can whine at the level George can.

There was a secondary report needed and when George heard that he began to look even worse.  His lawyer asked if he could sit down, and Judge Fischer offered but George said he would rather stand.  Well in the end George Kalta got a $100 fine, a $5,000 fine and 3 years probation.  And the Judge took notice of his ill health and waived the “Cal Trans” trash pick up….now this is no small task as even Judge Fischer made the comment that seldom if ever does one’s medical condition qualify for an easy, non-caltrans assignment…but George got NO community service.  Guilty! but he will walk…..I bet you that he has stopped complaining about the fees paid to his lawyer! She did very good at working with the prosecutors and walking George through the process.

George you should throw a nice big bonus or at least a nice one week vacation of her choice (not yours) for Ms. Abramson, as you got to be involved with one of the legends in criminal defense and on her last day.

We at DesperateExes.com wish Ms. Abramson all the best in her days and years to come in retirement.

As any seasoned divorce lawyer will tell you, as well as any judge who has sat on the bench for more than a week will also tell you, accusations of molestation are always the “dirty card” to play.   All these years mommy and daddy were alright with each other (maybe) and the children that they both loved so dearly, also fine.  Children, “cards” to be played in the game of Divorce like  it was a poker game, and you might not like this comparison but parents do it and they do it often.  You betcha, in Divorce all is fair and this aspect of the game is nothing but nasty! This method is as underhanded as you can get as you travel the unpaved road of divorce.

I have always told my clients that I will not play this nasty part of the game.  IF it is true we need to call the police.  And you should be prepared to tell the truth as to when you noticed this abuse. Also,  why did you wait so long to report it?Unfortunately this is not the case most of the time, it is an ignorant attempt to get a “one up” on the other.  I do not know any lawyers that would participate in this as it is very dangerous as to losing any credibility with the judge on the case.  And  if your client gets caught and a police report is made against him or her for filing false charges, that can be as serious as the bogus accusation.

Well back to “Mr. Unfortunate,”  his lunatic ex somehow gets their minor child involved to give a declaration  (this is the ULTIMATE parental alienation act that there is) to the FBI, plus her driven illusions to win at all costs that her former husband, our “Mr. Unfortunate,” has “child porn” on his computer!  Along with his brother too. Impossible you say? Wait it will get much worse.  One day a few weeks ago, “Mr. Unfortunate” is sitting in his house minding his own business when his home and that of his parents are raided by the FBI.  Search warrant in hand, and at gun point, he and his brother and 89 year old parents and removed and handcuffed.  Just like the movies folks, this is serious stuff and the FBI is a very serious law enforcement agency.  All computers are confiscated and now “Mr. Unfortunate” waits……..this scheme from the inception could very well be one of the best that I have seen pulled in almost 18 years of working in the world of divorce.  Anytime an individual can get a law enforcement agency to go after an ex-husband on such a story, that is pretty damn good.  More often than not it is the “mysterious” phone call to child protective services and that can be bad enough, but they are obligated to go and look and see for themselves.  I have spoken to many employees of Children’s Protective Services and they understand how often they are “punked” but if all is well the “target” of the crank call is given a clean bill of health and left alone…this caper is on another level, one of the best I have ever seen.

Now, I told “Mr. Unfortunate” that the only way to stop this will be to cooperate with the FBI the best that he can.  And to make it very clear to the agents in charge that this is a DIVORCE case and a classic case of “Parental Alienation,” and that the mother, aka “lunatic,”  has coached and cajoled her minor child to participate in this terrible plot against his own father.  That is bad enough but can you imagine? Your parents in their 80s and this happens to them and you are a professional and now what.  “Mr. Unfortunate” will have to file a civil suit for millions against the lunatic to defend his reputation and hope to god that the government will also get it.  There is little question in my mind that the FBI agents once they get the whole story and the “base plan” they will get it.  Fair-minded American citizens will pray that charges are brought against this very desperate ex when it is discovered what she did.

Alright, could there be child porn on his computer? I think not, as I know this guy and I also know how much he loves his child.  And under any other circumstances I would be less skeptical,  BUT! during a divorce this is typical and I wish the FBI agents would have maybe looked behind the reasons that this “good samaritan” aka “lunatic” was coming forward and maybe, just maybe they would have responded differently.   We will update this story later as it develops.

Robyn Gibson is “moving on” it has been reported…no shit!  She should have moved on a long time ago.  Mel is doing what rich guys do, and that is having a ball and all that comes with being a star, even an aging one…as he has famously stated many times, he is rich. And that would be a “roger” on that.

Robyn is in her 50’s and looks great and will be fine…this certainly appears to have not been any great surprise to her, as it was going on over the last few years.  She too will still be rich as she has a right to and will be fine, in time.   She is still very attractive and has a level of class that is rare in this town.  To both Mel’s credit and to Robyn’s they both have limited their comments and rubbing salt into open wounds. That is if you will ignore Mel’s hand holding with Oksana that was photographed for all to see,  “hey I am fine” was the tone I got from the photo op. And he is fine, not to mention virile enough to father again…Mel just don’t forget, the sleeker, smoother and faster model has a shelf life that I predict will be much shorter than the time you spent with Robyn.  Not being a jerk here folks, one was for the long term, the other…well it will be little longer than an amusement ride, a very costly one.

I was recently chastised that I tend to lean towards the women’s point of view. Well, after giving it about 5 seconds of thought I guess I do…perhaps it is my being in touch with my feminine side, or my past coming to haunt me.  I don’t know, but it is true, DesperateExes.com was begun for women in the throws of getting screwed, beat up, or just not being treated fair, either by a big —K —-, or –G —-E —-, or A –G ———E, or just joe shit the rag man, women more often than not get the dirty end of the stick.  MY OPINION ONLY, sure if they get $500 a month in support they were probably due  $1,000 and if they got a $ 2,000,000 settlement they were more likely due a $5,000,000 one.  Don’t like my opinion? Don’t read it and go “fudge yourself,” I don’t care.  And readers, don’t worry, when given enough rope the bad guys will often hang themselves.

In Robyn Gibson’s case, trust me, she will do very well, as I believe that Mel has not too much of a choice.  He is very rich, and she was the strength behind the man for many years and will be well taken care of.  And in the end, do you need hundreds of millions to live well? No, not even in Malibu.  I wish Robyn well and hope that she lives in the joy of the wonderful family she built and also understands that she and Mel will always be attached through their children, good luck and much happiness to all involved…And for the girlfriends, LMAO, you all have expiration dates, enjoy it while you can!

From a reader:

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: “Hello”
WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
MAN: “Yes.”
WOMAN: “I’m at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2009 models. I saw one I really liked.”
MAN: “How much?”
WOMAN: “$65,000.”
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000.”
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you!”
MAN: “Bye, I love you, too.”

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he smiles and asks: “Anyone know whose phone this is?”

It is sophisticated and at the same time allows you to live at an easier pace, it is almost Mayberryish.  Luck was with me when I was allowed to work with Elizabeth E. Vogt , lawyer,  and her lovely staff.  Talk about fast and efficient, Elizabeth or Libbie as she likes being called has what I think maybe one of the coolest offices I have ever seen.  No 40 story buildings, no $30 parking fee, no idiot guards wanting to look in your trunk and no elevators. Not an impressive art collection but a very comfortable place to think  and enjoy the breeze day or night.   And here comes the best part, she owns the stylish little house that was converted to her offices and conference room.  She can park her Mercedes a few feet from her back door. One more incredible thing, you can open the windows and breath fresh air!  Yes, fresh air and sun, and all in your office space.  Her staff, the best, Wendy (receptinist /para-legal) knows how to make me feel good with a great sandwich. Alison is a para-legal who is as fast as you can handle. And you can walk 10 feet and sit in a flowered yard with trees and grass and eat, and watch out for her two dogs, they will keep you company.  How many of you are getting what this is all about?

The stress from miserable and unappreciative clients, the unreasonable expectations and demands, the incredible overhead and the mere fact that you are dealing with DIVORCE day in and day out.  This place is a little different, sure, nasty as the routine of a divorce is, and as ruthless, but with a different tone.  A tone that will I am sure extend your life.  Alright, maybe you won’t make millions (you could), but you will not need to. Huge lease payments, parking and staff will be gone!   You will make a wonderful living and get to keep much of your money, not hundreds of millions, but a lifestyle. A wonderful lifestyle of success and enjoyment of where you work and live…if you are good at what you do,  you will do very well.  This is a very upscale community and even the rich and powerful in Santa Barbara County will need a talented divorce lawyer.   It might be like when you first started and loved what you did. You won’t need all that money as you won’t be supporting an office suite and all that goes with it.

Back to Elizabeth (Libbie) Vogt. She moves fast and talks even faster, she gets “it” fast and knows what is needed and won’t hesitate to bring the best to the table (she hired us and the checks came fast, she pays as fast as Lisa Meyer, an appreciated touch of class).  Elizabeth did the Beverly Hills thing and decided to search for “peace.”  She opened the Santa Barbara office while still in Beverly Hills and worked both till the time was right. And when you arrive at her offices and can enjoy the lifestyle you see the wisdom and dream that she chased.   30 years in the DIVORCE  business and she has the energy of a 25 year old. She is caring, smart, and tough, I saw it first hand on several occasions that I spent with her and her staff.  If getting ready to give the old “Hubby” the heave ho, and in the Santa Barbara area, call her….and when you visit bring a few dog cookies and relax.

Law offices of Elizabeth E. Vogt, 926 Garden Street, Santa Barbara, California, 93101
805-568-0446

Well, after several seconds of serious thought I stated that she would be just as well advised to enroll in “Clown College.”  Yes, I felt that at least after graduating from clown school she could support herself.  For even after attending an extensive “private investigator training” she would have to find some agency that would give her employment and then accumulate the thousands of hours to be able to take a test to become a ticket-carrying P.I. (and many of those that will hire you will not pay much above minimum wage, making it a tough three or four years financially while getting those hours).  Again, this is my opinion.

Now I have certainly been entertained by P.I.s who without a doubt were natural clowns and had never attended a minute of  clown college, except in how they conducted themselves in public. They even dressed the part, too!  But this was not what this young lady was destined to become, she was smart and got what I was saying, what she was going to get caught up in was a legal scam as far as I am concerned.  Save your money and do not take out a bank loan or government grant, try and find a respectable individual  who will give you the guidance and well-placed advice you need.  If after you understand the whole process and you are still wanting to be a P.I. (instead of a clown) then I wish you well.  On the other hand if you fail as a P.I. you can still be a clown and chances are no one will notice!  How cool is that? And some states do not even require a license…many do, after all it is a good source of revenue for state governments.  California and Nevada as well as New York and Massachusetts are very tough, but not impossible.

It is too bad that many people trying to get into the “racket” of private investigations are not fully aware of the many pitfalls the game has.  Oh for sure if you are retired from a previous job you can depend on that nice pension every month, however, if you have to earn the “Benjamins” and keep the doors open every month,  now that is a whole different story.   Now, I also suggested that she might want to attend classes at the Magic Castle as knowing the game of smoke and mirrors is critical when dealing with other private investigators.  And another important area is the “strut” — yes sirree, you will need to strut and tell bullshit stories on all the money you make working with the rich and famous…LMAO.  You had to be there and see it to get a total grasp on the technique.  I saw this one guy at a “gathering” of these sorts and I swear he had burr tucked under his ass cheek and a rock in one one of his over-size cowboy boots…and had the “strut” down!

So in closing having a good degree in clowndom and secret handshake from the Castle and a whole lot of luck she might make it! And again this is all from my personal perspective and handful of guys we have worked with over the last 18 years.  It is true that  I speak from my experience having been in this racket a very long time. It is also very true that I had a great teacher in my early days, Hal Lipset.  Hal was one of the greatest P.I.’s that ever lived and he gave me some great tips that I still use to this very day.  His son, Lou, I understand now runs the service…Lou is a former Deputy D.A., always well-dressed as was his dad….and the mansion in Pacific Heights,  Hal always did it well.

Well Ms. Shepherd has to be one very happy lady, the judge has granted her the request to have her son live in New York.  You know when you think of it, kids do need a mom — they need dad too, but mom is most often the one to make everything better.

Peter Lauzon was representing “Daddy” and I guess they lost…have no fear, divorce is just like a nasty war with lots of battles, and sometimes you win and sometimes you don’t.

And Fred, next time don’t get so excited and try to get me thrown out of the courtroom, your client loves attention and that was all we wanted to do, give Ms. Thing of “The View”  a little attention.  Good Job Fred, see ya around.

A few feet down the hall was Cary Goldstein in all of his glory, nice gray suit and getting ready to take on “Pancake Boy” (this is a private joke amongst friends).

After doing what I had to do in the course of my making a living, I met with another power house divorce attorney, Lisa Helfend Meyer…do you know someone made a comment recently that Ms. Meyer is often featured in our website…and then?

I spent some time in the courtroom of Trent Lewis, he was a little dry this morning, well it is Monday and folks how do they do it? “They” being the judges who have to hear this day in and day out, the lies, the deceit, is it not just disgusting how we treat people we once loved and cared about?  Not a question in my mind this is not easy even for those who often sit in judgment of those dancing around the ring of fire, DIVORCE.

One of the most interesting moments was in the courtroom of Judge Donna Fields Goldstein.  I like to sit over by Fernando, the clerk, as there is a desk I can lean on in the event I fall asleep.  I was not going to fall asleep today, that was for sure. Judge Goldstein was tearing into a former husband who had violated a restraining order by hiring a P.I. to follow and photograph his ex.  Well, that was in complete violation of the judge’s restraining order! Yes, hubby hires a P.I for three hours and in those three hours catches Mommsy stopping for a 32 ozzzzer and sitting in her car taking a nice big sip….all caught on film.  This was great, I have spent 3 weeks and I have friends who have spent months trying to get a money shot like that and never get close.  3 hours Mr. P.I. gets his shot…the judge explains in detail that this is a violation of her orders…and states, “I don’t know what to do about you, “ as the hubster squirmed in his seat…he sells real estate and I have to tell you, after listening to him I wanted to go and get an adult beverage.  Well, in the end the judge does realize that Mommsy has a drinking issue and orders her to AA…we will see.  I predict that with the help of AA and not having the house salesman around she will make a full recovery.

Next up was a guy who was at his wit’s end, Judge Goldstein was making her orders for support for his former wife.  OMG this guy was first moving his foot and then faster, wiping his brow and becoming more and more animated.  His former wife is collecting unemployment and as long as she is on unemployment he has to pay her $700+, and if she is not he has to pay her $1500, well he makes around $5300 a month and does not look to me to be living the high life. He begins to tremble and breaks into a tearful rampage, grabs his papers and storms out of the court room screaming “how am I ever going to do this?” and other vocal outbursts, the man is devastated and in his mind ruined…it was one of the saddest periods I had seen in any courtroom in years, it was powerful to see what love can do.   His former wife’s attorney not to miss a beat to kick the guy right in the nuts perks up and asks for “fees”…have any of these people ever read the teachings of the Dalai Lama?
Note: Judge Goldstein’s bailiff was on this guy from the very beginning, this young deputy sheriff read this guy and was watching and standing very close as he was preparing to erupt…this is one smart deputy and I have to believe that Judge Goldstein’s safety is in good hands with this deputy sheriff…will get his name later for an update.

Some have said that Team Texas is not going to stop…and I for one believe it.  It is also being reported that the “TV show” that someone has waited for for so long is not going to happen. And that came from the horse’s mouth, how I ask,  do these people do it?

Can it get any worse?  Who are these two witnesses that have surfaced? What will they bring to the table? And what will they say? Do they have pictures?  This is almost like a freakin’ Alfred Hitchcock thriller.  And “Da Book,” another book about what else, yup, the Anna Nicole Smith avalanche of bad luck, bad news and more and more bad luck.  This whole saga has been like a Pharaoh’s curse…now that might be turned into a movie, yes, I can see it now, “The Golden Sphincter”  or “The Golden Sperm”…I have to stop, I am going to get myself in trouble.  The two “sweeties” are releasing their second book, as if the first one was not bad enough, the second is promising to be a real sucker, oops I meant a real shocker, when will it stop?  When Team Texas says so, that is when.

There’s also a good piece about the case here.