We get mail:

Just wondering as I am in the process of going through a divorce. For some reason, and even though there have been many women screwed through this process, are men actually immune to being screwed?

Rob M.

Either side or both can end up getting screwed in the divorce game, and often do.

Simply, the process of “screwing” begins when the individuals involved aren’t able to be reasonable. You and the former Miss Lovely have, let’s say, $1,000. One or the other says, “Hey. you take $500 and I will take $500,” but the immediate knee jerk reaction is “NO!’” So now it begins, you get a lawyer, she gets a lawyer and someone hires a P.I. You go to court, fees here and fees there, experts…in the end, everyone gets the money except for the two original ones…you will get .50 she will get .50 and that will be the punishment for not being able to handle your own affairs with the other party. It does not get any simpler than that.

Some exceptions are the agreements either in the beginning of a marriage or relationship, perhaps technical issues to be sure everyone is on the right page and in agreement.

Thanks to not being smart and reasonable, the parties will pay and pay if they have the resources. If there is no money and little community assets, one side or the other can sit back and laugh…you cannot get blood out of a stone.

Good Luck and Thanks for contacting us,
John

We love getting “letters” here at DesperateExes.com, and this one was right on the money:

Dear John,

I recently became of a fan of Desperate Ex’s after reading “730 Evaluation”: a joke with no laughs, which inspired me to read more of your opinions and comments. Two months ago, my 9-month long “forensic” custody evaluation was finally produced. Besides the fact that this report lacks any evidence of forensic investigation, it is one horriffic mess. The custody evaluator recommended that parties hire a parenting coordinator, or “special master”, and of course the person he recommended is none other than his good buddy. My point is that the raping of litigants goes beyond the custody evaluation.

The Court rejected its’ appointed 730 evaluator’s opinions, but yet the Court is pressuring parties to stipulate to the special master recommended by the 730 evaluator.

This email is not intended to detail the corruption occuring here in Orange County, California, but rather to raise awareness of the many different levels of “forensic experts” who can and will become involved in a custody case when litigants have enough money.

I would love to hear your comments about special masters/parenting coordinators.

Name withheld

DesperateExes.com gets many comments on what I report and my thoughts on divorce and related issues.  I welcome your opinions and ideas and criticisms whether you agree with me or not, makes things interesting!  But we do not post comments that consist of name-calling and rumors. We get some very nasty little “notes” from adversaries of some of the lawyers who I name in the course of my reporting…we will not post those comments, it is just that simple.  So for all of you who don’t see your comments posted, please keep then coming in with whatever you want to share, but also understand that the only one that gets to be nasty is me…and I am severely monitored!

I will confess to being a little biased as there are certain lawyers that I have been friends with for many years and I will always respect.  I was friends with them many years before Desperatexes.com came into existence as the “go-to site” for women thinking of pulling the pin.  These lawyers have helped to keep a roof over my head and food on our table by enlisting our services when the need arises. They have come to my aid when I needed them and I to their aid when they needed me.  For the rest of you…as I was once told by a very good friend of mine, Robert M. Cohen, a divorce lawyer in Century City  “You cannot work for everyone”…and you know he’s right, as he often is, and besides if that was the case who would I write about?!

Most of what I see, hear and  witness in the course of my business will never be written about, it’s personal and private and nobody’s business. My intention with DesperateExes.com is to share my general knowledge and experience in ways that will be helpful to those going through divorce and related issues.

The Pellicano and Terry Christensen trials were very relevant to me and to my readers. I had several of my clients whose names came up during the trials and that I was involved with over the years with Anthony and his crew (the receiving end of his bullshit).  I would like to believe that some of my efforts at the time slowed Anthony’s role a little bit, but I will never know.

This recent comment from “Jenny” under “Choosing a Lawyer” deserves it’s own post:

Hi John, I recently stumbled upon your web site. I am entertaining the thought of engaging a divorce attorney. We are not rich or famous. How much does one of these high powered attorney’s typically cost for a typical divorce? My friend is into hers for over 800K between the two of them. I certainly do not have even close to that kind of money. Can I expect to pay around 80K or less?

Thanks for “stumbling” and I was glad to get this! I am not sure where you are, but that has little to do with the initial process. You do not need a fancy firm with a fancy address (and fancy fees). There are some fine sole practioners out there. With the budget you are working with, you will need to be the “captain of the ship.” Make sure you are real clear with whoever it is you are going to deal with that this is it. Better yet, tell them all you have is $35,000 — better not to tip your hand! You won’t get a big firm, and that may be a good thing. Also keep in mind that the soon to be Mr. Ex could be held responsible for your cost. And be sure that you, too, pay attention to what the lawyer you choose is doing and how the
time is being spent! I have found when you try and be reasonable this will go a lot easier — be prepared to make concessions as to who gets what and why. Don’t let spite and ego cause you to spend $1000 to fight over an $80 lamp.

Visiting the courthouse is not a bad idea to watch the process and see what and how it is done. It will be a good lesson and you might find a lawyer that you like there. But don’t go just on reputation in your choice, you have to be careful and always pay attention to what’s going on if you plan on getting through this relatively unscathed. It is a difficult time but don’t go on autopilot once you have a lawyer…at the end of the day, you still have to be your own best advocate. You will get battered but you have to be careful and focus on what matters. If you and the soon to be Mr. Ex are not reasonable, the only people who will win will be people like me and the lawyers. And again, play your cards close to your chest and
don’t ever tell your lawyer how much you really have in the “vault” — you are on a budget and you need to focus on that!

I wish you all the best,

John

From the mailbag:

… Judge Shaller was an excellent Judge and had warned my ex last time to stop her shennanigans. I have an upcoming court date and Honorable Gail Fueler is now head of Department 67. Do judges leave notes on the cases that they pass onto new judges? Judge Shaller was our judge for the last 2 years and knew our case very well, will he have left notes for Honorable Gail Fueler. Thank you.

Judge Shaller’s departure from Department 67 has caused several problems for people who had him as their Judge for anywhere from a few months to a few years! Just last night I was retained on a case where this is a BIG ISSUE of concern for a few lawyers and their clients — does Judge Feuer have a handle on these cases, and is she aware of the “tone” of previous appearances? My opinion is no, she does not! And how can she — sure there are judicial notes and all is documented by a court reporter, and all the attorneys have their notes and recollections, BUT, it is the ORIGINAL judge that knew the “tone” of the case and there is no way a new judge stepping in is going to be able to pick that up just from notes! I am sure that Judge Shaller left the notes behind, BUT how does this new judge interpret them, that is the problem that I am seeing. And my reports from the trenches are that more than a few lawyers are not happy with the decisions and orders coming from her honor!

What can you do? Who is your lawyer? Make damn sure that whoever he or she is that she is going on record with what has happened in the past and be SPECIFIC! And get it all back on the record in front of the new judge! The other side will try to be as “respectable” as possible, you know putting on the good face for the new judge! Also remember this, you will have to ride herd on the lawyer to be sure that these facts are getting a “fresh airing.” This goes for everyone who finds themselves in the situation of a new judge in mid-case.

You concerns are a MAJOR issue and don’t let anyone tell you that they are not — you are very smart for even thinking of this issue, as it is a big problem for many in Dept. 67 as we speak!

John

From the mailbag:

Hi John,

Just accidentally came across your site and am interested in finding out the disposition of cases pending in Judge Shaller’s Dept 67? Does Judge Gail Feuer pick up from where Judge Shaller left off? I have a relative who’s case is coming up soon in Dept 67. Judge Shaller is the 3rd judge dealing with this long drawn out divorce/child custody case.

I’m coming from the Father’s side of the issue and (being realistic & truthful) he’s had to jump through SO many hoops and is still battling so many issues that our experience in the family court system has and still is a terrible travesty of “justice”. Based on your website you offer support to the many women who have been run through the mill. How about some fair play for the DAD?

Originally his attorneys felt he had a very good chance of winning at trial for recouping some of the excessive attorneys’ fee which were incurred because the EX lied and drove the divorce/custody going on 3 plus years and most likely will not give up until the children are 18yrs old; but now have changed their tune and just want him to give it up because the case was before Judge Shaller; and Judge Shaller was supposed to render a decision on how much child support she was supposed to pay the Father since the custody is 52:48 for the father and she is financially more set than he. The Dad would put the funds aside for their future education. He truly has the welfare of the children at the center of all his concerns. And the EX and her family have continued to do all they can to emotionally & physically ALIENATE the children from their Father. It’s been an awful experience & unfortunately we are not done yet! Thanks for any light you can shine on our case.

Looking for Justice!

Hey Looking for Justice,

Since Judge Shaller is now in the “civil” end of things, he does have the ability to continue as he chooses to hear the cases that he was involved with. Special ones I guess…however, he is going to have a load to carry on his new assignment.

We see this all of the time, and if your friends did not have money this would all go away in the manner that it was designed to do. However, when you have one or more people involved with money, why would the lawyers want a speedy solution…not going to happen.

Who are the lawyers involved? Judge Feuer is no babe in the woods, and I like the tone her courtroom takes. She does not have the experience yet of some of these old-timers in family court, but she has been around and will grasp the theatrics that this type of law carries. Remember this: when one side or the other does not care about legal fees and parental alienation and all that will do in the years to come, why should the lawyers? Lawyers get paid to practice and the judges get paid to listen!

All my best,

John