The Snake Oil Hustle

Around the first of the year, I met an attorney who is quite the hustler when it comes to being able to attract “high dollar” clients needing a DIVORCE lawyer. She wears the right clothes, the right shoes (actually, it seems like, over and over again, she could seriously use a stylist) Here is the problem. The “hustler” is ready and hungry: great name; graduated from a unique high school in S. Cal., and a line of bullshit that would make Reverend Ike feel incompetent.

 

Over the last 28 years, I have noticed that in the early stages of a DIVORCE, the wealthy pay willingly. After a few months, the complaining begins. The constant whine of “This is ridiculous” as to the size of the monthly invoices (even though they sign a retainer with all the costs and protocols all laid out). What has me confused is who would hire a fast-talking snake oil hustler who “these wealthy clients” think is great? Then after a short time, “Co-Counsel” is brought in at the direction of the snake oil hustler. At what point does it come to a realization of why do we need the snake oil hustler?  Do we really need two law firms and all the costs that will be generated by such? “Yes, you do.” If you listen carefully, you can hear the mantra.

 

Heart? Bah! They get in the way of me making money.

One thing is for sure is that this hustler does bring her client to the very best of the best for a DIVORCE. (having camped out in several different law offices over the years, it would appear her presence grinds on the nerves of those she is working with, and she moves on) Now, does she do this out of the goodness of her heart? Absolutely not! Twenty percent (20%) is the number we have been told she is paid by the firms that she brings in on her hustle. Twenty percent of whatever the firm will bill and of course she bills for her hourly too…. Great hustle. No question, this person has talent. Many lawyers practicing law are great lawyers but just cannot get out of their own way. The female hustler I am writing about here is at an incredible level at being able to attract high dollar victims (we have been told confidentially that the clients agree to all of this!). I find that difficult to believe. Agree to get shook down?

 

She has no legal talent at all; this is not too uncommon in the world of Southern California DIVORCE. No foundation, no support staff, and frankly, cannot handle or even begin to practice the kind of law that is required for a high dollar DIVORCE case. However, her timing is beyond perfect as to control of the client. Some of the “best client control” I have ever witnessed.

 

“I hope you don’t mind ordering the free bread and water. My expense account isn’t what it used to be.”

This gal is the type that goes to all the right places where the very wealthy gather; restaurants are a popular hunting ground for her. The hustler has a media presence that can be a bit of a fly trap for those who want to think they are buying a Rolex and end up with a sundial. Just a fact here. The hustler has a sense of timing that is absolutely perfect as to when to bring in “co-counsel.” The incredible observation is that the clients seem totally under ether (one must wonder what that bill looks like for the ether delivery). Good thing she was not a dentist as I am sure she would have been a fan of nitrous oxide. Keep them laughing, or in a fog of complacency; just keep their minds off the fees.

 

Now having been around this little darling several times, unless someone else is paying, she will not partake of the action at these watering holes for the wealthy, being careful of how much money comes out of her pocket. If someone is paying it, it will be a drink and an appetizer. If ever at lunch, folks, this little cheapskate will never reach for her wallet when the bill comes, total and complete paralysis of hands and arms. I have seen it firsthand several times.

 

Oh, sorry. I was drunk and spent it on Tequila and a Donkey show.

What did this hustler do to catch my wrath?  I was owed a considerable amount of money, and after a few weeks, I contacted this twit with a license to practice law and was told the following “I will bring a check tomorrow at the deposition.” So, not having any doubt the following day as sick as I was, I got up and drove to the designated location. Of course, there were smiles and friendly bullshit greetings, and then I asked for my check. “You have my check?” This cheeky bitch looks at me and says, “Oh, I was drunk last night.” In other words, she had no intention of paying me and simply walked away. Only by the grace of God, I did not go off on this bitch as it was just another incompetent act that I had to deal with. No one gets to treat me this way. Who the fuck does she think she is, I thought?

 

The other thing she is famous for is stopping all activity in the middle of an assignment. It became a standing joke. “Hold off for now,” that is hustler lawyer talk telling you, “you are done.”  Luckily for me, I had a guardian angel watching over my staff and me, and she took care of the bill, and not just once.  Again, the character flaw with this DIVORCE lawyer goes deep. She knowingly hustles these gigantic DIVORCE cases knowing that the case is way out of her league and double slams them while financing their adventure in the World of DIVORCE.  And then, if she thinks she can fuck you out of your fees, she will with a smile on her well-coifed face. She is just smart enough to eventually come close to an ethics complaint.

 

I’m the snakiest of the snakes, BEEATCH! Look me in the eyes and tell me I’m lying.

We understand that the State BAR of California may be reviewing some of what we have discussed here. At some point, we may name this scoundrel with a law degree for all to be very cautious of.  We understand that there are a few law firms that she camped out in that have bad taste in their wallets. As I have often stated very clearly, some lawyers are more fun to write about than to work for. This snaky bitch is absolutely one of those.

 

Oh, and before I forget, “I am holding off permanently.”  We will be documenting this attorney’s behavior in the courts in the days, and weeks, to come.  (none of the cases we have worked on, of course, that would not be fair, and we always want to be fair) All new stuff will be fair game.

 

Through the years, I have had some great fun with DIVORCE lawyers practicing law at levels of total incompetence or worse. As I clearly stated, I am at the point in my career that I am happy when my phone rings, and just as happy when it does not. For all you fans, there is more great stuff to come.

 

By John Nazarian
©Straight Talk with John J. Nazarian, Private Investigator
October 2, 2020
All Rights Reserved, do not reproduce in whole or in part without the express written consent of the author

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