The Land of the Rich and Silly

Thought it was long enough, so I decided to visit one of my favorite stomping grounds, “The Land of the Rich and Silly.” The “rich” being the DIVORCE lawyers and the “silly,” many of their clients. If you think I am wrong, go hang out and watch the DIVORCE lawyers, and then watch, and if you can, listen to their clients. You cannot make this crap up! I am talking about the Mosk!

Who do I run into, but none other than David Friedman, Esq., the son of Ira and Abby Friedman, the original two founders of the firm that David now guides through the swamp known as DIVORCE. These folks, for me, are the best; I always look forward to seeing Abby, and of course, Ira. David and I spoke of back in the day almost 20 years ago, good stuff.

David’s father is, without question, one of the bright spots in the world of DIVORCE and collections. Collections, you ask, and DIVORCE? Sure, when you owe your DIVORCE lawyer lots of money, you think you have dodged a bullet by not paying them? Well, well, well sweetie, you have a surprise coming at some point! No, it is not Ira, but it is the one-year anniversary of when you thought you screwed your lawyer out of his or her fees. No one will bother you the first 12 months as the lawyers are fearful and concerned that you (former client) will file a state bar complaint as to “shit representation” and or “Hey! I got overcharged.”

Time to pay up!

After that one-year passes, you (former client) are back in their sites again for what you owe! That is when it goes to collections, and guess who has a great track record and the experience of collecting and tracking down deadbeat former clients? Ira!  You will love the guy; he is always well dressed and hilarious! You used the services of these people, just pay up!

As I am chatting with David, BAM Adam Shantz, Esq., shows up. Adam always looks great, and I like him personally. One of those young men who always has great color, as to the opposite of that little fat son of a bitch who always looks like he is ready for his dirt nap! (I met Adam years ago when he was Susan Wiesner’s gopher and file carrier. I can recall even further when Adam and Wiesner threw Judy Bogen, Esq and myself out of her office. Yup she did, and Adam held the door!) Adam is on his own now and is doing pretty well, be sure to ask him if he did in fact toss me out of Wiesner’s office!

He won’t be stuttering anymore.

What is really amazing is that as I walk towards Department 2, I see Adam Shantz again! He is standing with Christopher C. Melcher, Esq. I would find out later that Shantz has brought Melcher in to assist him with a difficult case. Why would he not contact his former mentor, Susan Wiesner? Well, no surprise here. There is little loyalty amongst DIVORCE lawyers. Here, let me make it a little clearer. It is like watching pigs’ slumber on a nice cool afternoon in swill and shit. Just walk by and toss a bucket of swill into the shit hole and watch them frolic and try to kill each other for a piece of something to eat.

I am sitting with two of my personal favorites, Lisa Helfend Meyer, founder of M.O.L.M., and Samantha F. Spector. When sitting with Lisa and Samantha, there is never a dull moment; the two of them and their verbal observations are priceless! And don’t forget to check out the “threads” these two are sporting! Samantha is telling me about her dining at Mr. Chow (I hate the place), and Craig’s, another interesting overpriced eatery.  Lisa Helfend Meyer is having a great day, and it gets even better when she and Spector go up against “Stupid” aka Christopher C. Melcher, Esq.

Nice pair of oysters, eh?.

Melcher has somehow decided to grow a set of balls while chatting with Shantz outside of Dept. 2 and take on the Honorable Thomas Trent Lewis. It was marvelous. As I walk by, “Stupid” attempts to engage me, asking “Are you on this case?”  I responded that if I was, he would never know till it was too late, like always! To watch one of the most brilliant legal minds sitting on the bench today be taken to task by “Stupid,” aka Melcher, was just as entertaining as you can imagine. This is a great day for someone like me to observe one of our favorite bench officers give a lesson on the law to Melcher. Melcher does very well for himself; he is definitely a high earner and knows the DIVORCE game.  Similar to a hunter like Elmer Fudd gutting and trimming game in the field.

To make it a little clearer, let me try this as an example: Melcher is a SHIT salesman with a mouth full of samples. You follow me? When at all possible, give your client, or whoever is paying your bill, a great show. A great show in what was about to happen with Melcher and the court is certainly in the eye of the beholder.  Melcher had to have had a triple portion of beans the night before for dinner; it is the only explanation I can think of for him to walk into Department 2 just blowing it out of his ass! It was one of those “2fers,” blowing it out his pie hole as well as his ass, this is a talent! I would never have guessed that Stupid could be so entertaining.

Fear not for those in the gallery giggling and trying to duck the crap being jettisoned out of Melcher’s ass!  The Honorable Thomas Trent Lewis had the remedy, a Super-Size Butt Plug for Christopher C. Melcher, Esq. And with a swift kick from the bench, The Honorable One jammed the plug right where it had to go. For those of us sitting in the gallery, we once again were saved by the court. God bless the Honorable Judge Thomas Trent Lewis.

Something I noticed as a time burner for the court was all these litigants asking in very clear and perfect English for a translator for whatever language they were preparing to lie in.  And I am guessing it is all acceptable behavior in so much as the court is accommodating them.

Once again, we have people who have been living in America for god knows how many years and still can’t speak English. Or is often the case pretend they don’t for some advantage to themselves.  Funny, I had the same experience as a beat cop. Back in the day, my Spanish was not bad. I know enough to get some basic answers, and when I had an issue, I would ask in English basic questions. My attitude was this is America, and if I chose to be helpful fine, but if I was getting played?  I got that same look, the blank stare that was likely used often when interacting with cops in some of the shit holes I patrolled. I would look back almost with the same blank stare and tell them they were under arrest.

It was once called “mirroring.” It was often as the cuffs were going on, I would get in perfect English “what the fuck you arresting me for.“ Of course, there is much more to all of this initial contact stuff from back in the day. My point is that not a question in my mind that these people asking for a translator if they had to pay for it would be singing the Star-Spangled Banner in both English and their native tongues!

 

By John Nazarian
©Straight Talk with John J. Nazarian, Private Investigator
July 1, 2019
All Rights Reserved, do not reproduce in whole or in part without the express written consent of the author

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