How I Hate Europe – Part II

Well we decide to take a train from Zurich to Copenhagen, ahhhh romantic right? Rrrrright….the staff at the main station were total jerks, I have other words but I want this to get read. My boys had to use the restroom, the Broon Hilda wanted 1/2 a franc if they were going to do #1 and 2 francs for #2…yes you have read this right. They found away around this and I believe they used an area that has been in use for years..there were signs. I was feeling badly, it was hot and it was crowded and we were soooo looking forward to this “Rail” experience. I decide to use “Mr. Clean”, this is a service that you can take a shower and change clothes, $12 or there abouts, I did notice that she had me bypass the counter and I am sure Broon pocketed my 12 bucks.

Well the train shows up on the big board and we find this line of cars, these cars looked like they had just been pulled out of some cow crap full barn. I was shocked and it cost us over $1200 for the four of us to have a “sleeper car”…NO SHOWER. For the four of us they wanted an additional $176 per person…this sleeper was so raunchy, the carpets were soiled, the blankets I am sure had not been cleaned in months and the cushions aka beds had what looked to be DNA and other filth on them. UPSIDE, there were 4 clean sheets that we covered the filth with and four pillows that had clean coverings…Folks, it was the worst. And the thought of looking out the window as we pass the rolling hills and pastures was nice except that it looked as if someone may have thrown urine out the windows in the front and it dried on our windows. As we rumbled across Germany I thought of that wonderful song, “I Wish It Would Rain “ to wash this off my windows…ahhh traveling the rails in Europe! Crap!!!! No water, no food, no nothing.

I get up and ask this mental midget aka attendant where the bathroom is, he tells me “no bathroom.” I again ask if I and my boys should just piss in a bottle or bag and toss it from the train? Now we are both looking at each other in less than friendly ways. For me I no longer care, I have been ripped off by the German Railway Company and I ain’t happy.

Eventually we found a “water closet,” it had a toilet and paper that was so rough I think you could rinse it out let it dry and use it again. I have lost some weight and that was good as I would have had to have been pried out of this tiny space. Eventually we found a car towards the front that had some water, got two waters two pepsis, 20 euros, ouch, someone help me. I feel like a blond-haired, blue-eyed teenage boy in a German prison.

We make a brief stop in Hamburg and there is a strange noise at times and I notice dip shit 1 and Nit Wit 1 1/2 staring under my window at the chassis of the coach, the look on their face was like they had found a clean spot. The two wizards of crap looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and we were off on the final leg to Denmark.

Well we make it to Denmark and there is a difference, however small, and we find a great hotel, Gentofte Hotel, Gentofte, Denmark + 45 3968 0911 this place was a lucky find from my friend Dora, she is a travel agent out of Chicago who saves my ass when plans go wrong. This was one of the nicest little hotels I have ever stayed in and they were fair in what you got for the money spent. If ever in Copenhagen stay here, it’s about 9 kilometers outside the city and worth it.

More to come.