Paradise Lost

Paradise Cove Beach Cafe, Malibu, California…I had decided to meet some friends at this Tourist Trap.  When my son and I arrived the parking lot was not as full as it often is as it was early.  I walk in and see my friends sitting in the worst booth in the place….there were lots of empty booths and outside seating but some how she got this…she has the unfortunate luck of living in Malibooo. She is very wealthy and has good luck except hoping that common sense will prevail in this nitwit factory by the shore.  I go up and ask if we can be moved outside and I am quickly told that there are lots of people waiting….Hmmm, where? We had already waited 40 minutes but these assholes were going to make their point.  Oh I get it the old go to the bar and drink drink and get that tab going…nah, we are not drinkers, we came for breakfast.

All right now it gets crazy, we have coffee and the kids have a cold drink while we wait for a table where we can enjoy the beach and sun. When out of nowhere this short little toad/waitress comes over and tells us we have to wait outside or at the bar….that god dam bar again.  I tell her “no” we are waiting here and the place is at this time 1/2 empty. I quickly call this to the toad’s attention and she could care less….I ask for the manager and I hear him tell her pretty much leave us alone….we are right. He looks as miserable as can be, as if his boyfriend had a case of the shits and couldn’t score.  Finally the germ infested little lobster goes off (the clever little item that vibrates, I have so many thoughts on that nasty little device…I am sure the “tourists” get a big kick out of it.  Finally, we are given a seat outside on the sand with loads of tourists who have come for the greasy fried food and the miserable breakfast.  This whole place is soooo over rated, it is pathetic…food is just short of what you would find at a cheap, rundown carnival close to some stinkin’ border town.   The attitude of the greeters is as arrogant as you can find at any gyp joint. I can recall some “Boom Boom” palaces in Vietnam and Thailand that gave better service…sorry my mind is wandering…must be the beach and all this sand, or did I catch something from that germ-infested little vibrating lobster.  The waiter we had was very nice and there was a manager, Adrianna, that I spoke to who was pleasant. But the damage was done with the blond bimbo at the front desk and that little troll who wanted us to move.

No, I am not unreasonable, all this place needs is a nice big tidal wave to put this place were it belongs and that is with Sponge Bob…unless someone has a HUGE flusher we could pull and just flush this turd where it belongs…but that would be polluting and unfair to the fish.  PARADISE COVE SUCKS AND IS A TOTAL RIP OFF!  AVOID IT ALL COSTS….very few residents eat here and it is very obvious.  TTT…Total Tourist Trap and a greasy one at that.