Mar
29
The Mating Game
Filed Under Divorce, Relationships
This afternoon I had lunch with some friends and as always the conversation leans towards divorce and my thoughts on the subject…my thoughts on relationships are a little edgy, ya think? Even when a marriage or relationship works there is some fantasy present. That being that both parties are happy and all is just “ducky,” when in fact there are problems and they are big ones. Married people don’t like being married and they are stuck, stuck in a place many wonder how they can get out of.
There are numerous ways for successful women to have a family without being burdened with the luggage labeled “Him.” Over the years I have met with women who wanted to have a child and went looking for a sperm donor. And they wanted a child with certain characteristics, perhaps blond, maybe blue eyes, perhaps tall and even sometimes with a great learning ability. Few I would hope would want a child blond, blue eyes and dumb, right? Or how about blond, blue eyes and sneaky…hmm, maybe! I recall one incident in which the female owned a restaurant in a “gay ghetto” and found someone that looked as if he would throw a great looking kid. He was dark and handsome…I thought he was gay but what do I know. You are asking how did I know, I was there, at the set up. Women in Los Angeles and San Francisco have always had this problem, good looking guys being gay or very gay curious. But even gay males can be straight for a few minutes and be a donor I think that history has born this out to be true! I cannot go there). Well, being of a strong will she found this guy to be Mr. Right and “hooked up” and nine months later had a child…the sperm donor has no idea to this very day that he is a “daddy.” She of course never had any further contact, it was the proverbial two ships passing in the night. And the birth certificate says “unknown” where “his” name should be. How often does this go on? I think more often than you would think. Is it nice, sure unless it goes tragically wrong (I will discuss this in more detail sometime in the months to come), and going wrong can be costly and extremely damaging to those who love and care for the child. The mothers I know who have done this were very clever, almost like they disappear or throw off enough bad VooDoo so that the one night fling, “him,” gets it and realizes he can put the saddle away as there are going to be no more rides, at least on this horse! And months go by and no one knows the better…well that is, just let’s say, Hmmm sometimes.
Mommsy (being smart and manipulative) has complete control and the “donor” just thinks that he had a nice time and moved on. This can be tricky however, when a woman goes a hunting for the purpose of “mating.” It can be a little like the Black Widow or the Praying Mantis which after mating, the female turns and eats the male. Funny how at times divorce court takes on the same feeling, the grinding and crushing of people’s lives. Marriage today is scary and often short-lived…and on the other hand we all should wonder what mother nature had in mind? I often wonder if the insects above had a rush of pleasure before being ground and crushed in the jaws of “Nature’s Divorce.”
this one is interesting…
Of course, marriages are miserable , for several reasons.
Number one, marriage is a business deal sealed by a marriage license sanctioned by the government. Marriage was intended to be covenant based, an issue of the heart sealed with a vow. In order to dissolve a marriage ( business contract) one needs a lawyer or two. Then the courts decide child support and alimony and visitations.
Society sells sexuality and romance as being the stuff marriages should be based on and personal happiness. This causes unreal expectations. People marry for selfish reasons anyway. Most states now require pre-marital counseling in order to gain a marriage license. That won’t guarantee the character of spouse during difficult and crisis laden times.
It is out of a loving union that the fruit of our love comes forth in the package of a child.
It is in producing children that parents learn to be coworkers to raise and love and train that child. And to provide a loving and healthy role model of relationships to our children. Which is another reason we have so many divorces, children don’t have those healthy relationships modeled in their homes.
Since our society is so materialistic most people focus on garnering a great career, assets and home sand investments portfolios during their child bearing years. Having accomplished worldly success they then venture to becoming parents.
Our society is already burdened with many single women households.
Children are minus male influences in their homes. It is even more selfish of a female to want to bring a child into the world without the benefit of its father and the influence of two extended families in that child’s life. Children will always become interested din their origins and inherited traits and will want to eventually meet their parents.
“Sorry kiddo, you don’t have a daddy. Daddy was a sperm donor and a one night stand, but hey you have momma and her investment portfolio.”
The ideal of seeking a sperm donor based on looks or intelligence is shallow and unrealistic and smacks of the Nazi influenced eugenics of the 30’s and 40’s.
What if nature doesn’t give you that perfect and healthy child? Are you still prepared to love and nourish and value it anyway?
So we have the huge businesses of fertility, sperm banks, surrogate mothers and even the CPS which takes children away from elderly family members or those who may be ill or without a high enough salary. Easier to adopt a child who has passed infancy and shows bright prospects towards athletics, intelligence or good looks. Which is what those who have bypassed their own biological clocks seem to do.
Then we have Hollywierd and the uber wealthy adopting children as it seems to be a fad, like purchasing a new breed of dog from a foreign country.
Look I just adopted another child from Malawi instead of my own back door, Isn’t it cute? Even more tackier is the single mom OCTOMOM with her sixteen children whom has nannies and tutors to raise them rather than momma’s personal touch.
The misery comes from a backward society with shallow values. Before having children try and see first if you can maintain a healthy monogamous relationship for at least five years before bringing more children into the world.
But no matter what, marriage, family and divorce as well as romance will always be a booming business.
TxMom thanks and I agree with much of what you have written.